Sergei Bezrukov explained why he broke up with his ex-wife. A typical story, or why do young parents get divorced? Causes of divorce in young families

Starting a family is a very important step that affects the future fate of two people. Very often, marriages are concluded during a period of falling in love, when feelings cloud common sense. However, some time passes, and people who were once madly in love move away from each other, begin to notice shortcomings, and become irritated over any trifle. As a result, the couple decide to divorce so as not to ruin each other’s lives. Sometimes this happens by mutual consent, and sometimes unilaterally. In any case, divorce does not promise anything pleasant.

The inability to compromise also very often leads to discord in family life. Source: Flickr (gurbir.grewal)

Why do people get divorced?

Statistics show that the number of divorces has increased significantly over the past 10 years. Divorces are more often initiated by women than men. And this is understandable, because representatives of the fair sex are more susceptible to emotions.

Interesting fact! Today, 57% of families dissolve their marriage for various reasons. That is, every third married couple is already divorced or is on the verge of family collapse.

What could this be connected with and why are there so many divorces? The fact is that the modern pace of life tires a person very much, and home problems and everyday needs only add additional stress. That is why spouses try to protect themselves from unnecessary worries by resorting to divorce. Also, cases of too early marriages have become more frequent, when young people at a young age, based only on mutual feelings, create a unit of society. Naturally, after some time, passions subside, and disappointment sets in, accompanied by divorce proceedings. And these are not all the reasons for divorce. Psychologists agree that some people are at risk because their behavior patterns and outlook on life can provoke divorce.

Who is at risk?

The optimal age for starting a family is considered to be from 22 to 30 years. During this period, the personality has already been formed, received an education, socially adapted and is ready for the next step. As a rule, at this age people have some goals in life, as well as a conscious desire to start a family and continue the family line, which cannot be said about young people aged 17-20 years.

Marriages that are too late, that is, after 30-40 years, also fall into the risk group. At this age, men and women are self-sufficient and mature individuals. It is difficult for them to show flexibility and loyalty towards another person, which are necessary for normal relationships in the family. Some people are not mentally ready to change their usual way of life: to sacrifice something, make concessions and be with their partner too often. The inability to compromise also very often leads to discord in family life.

Professional dedication and excessive workaholism are also very often reasons for divorce. If a spouse devotes 12 hours a day to work, forgetting about the other half and children, then quarrels and misunderstandings arise in the family. Chronic fatigue is accompanied by irritability or prolonged depression, which will inevitably lead to the dissolution of marriage. Therefore, many careerists believe that family is an obstacle to achieving professional heights and self-realization.

Note! In the first 10 years, about 60% of married couples divorce, then the trend decreases. The most difficult period of family formation is the first 3 years and the birth of the first child. If the difficult stage is passed, then, as a rule, the marriage bonds are strengthened, and mutual respect and understanding begins.

Arranged marriages also lead to complete disappointment. Recently, it is not uncommon to see a respectable man over fifty with a young and beautiful wife. The danger of arranged marriages is that when a person is fed up with money and entertainment, he wants emotional satisfaction in the form of love and respect, but it is not always possible to receive sincere feelings.

Sociological surveys have made it possible to understand and organize the main reasons for divorce of young and mature married couples.

One of the common reasons for divorce after 30 years of marriage is infidelity. Source: Flickr (Massimo_Cerrato)

The main causes of divorce in the family

The reasons given by spouses for divorce do not always correspond to reality, since sometimes the separation is not entirely peaceful. It’s not for nothing that people have a proverb: “From love to hate there is one step.” It is most difficult for those who have a child together. Children suffer enormous psychological trauma due to their parents' divorce, although they do not always show it. What factors become an insurmountable obstacle to a family idyll?

• Psychological unpreparedness for marriage in 42% of cases causes the dissolution of family ties. This means that spouses, due to age or personal beliefs, do not respect each other, do not make concessions and do not support each other. This happens when feelings become dull, and common interests have not emerged during their time together.
• Alcoholism and other addictions are in second place (23%-31%). Such a high percentage of marriage dissolution is due to the fact that constant stress at work, low wages and the inability to self-realize push people to abuse alcohol and drugs. A person believes that he is distracted from all pressing problems, and life gets better on its own. In reality, this does not happen, and family life turns into a nightmare.
• Adultery is the third reason why a husband and wife separate forever. Lack of attention, monotony in sexual life and unstable relationships lead to the fact that one of the spouses begins to seek solace on the side. Some families turn a blind eye to outright infidelity, while others cannot live with a person who is capable of such an act. One of the common reasons for divorce after 30 years of marriage is infidelity. At a more mature age, husbands cheat more often, since the appearance of the woman with whom he linked his destiny changes somewhat for the worse, and there is no longer any need to raise children. A self-sufficient man seeks new sensations, the hunter's instinct awakens. Although women also often cheat on their husbands due to lack of attention and sexual dissatisfaction.
• Lack of mutual assistance in everyday life. Reluctance to help your spouse in solving everyday problems results in constant discontent and quarrels. In most cases, women do not put up with this state of affairs and file for divorce.
• Financial difficulties. Some couples, when falling in love, do not think about how they will support their family and manage a budget. A chronic lack of funds for a full-fledged existence leads to internal dissatisfaction and isolation. Without sufficient finances, a young family cannot afford basic things: going to the movies, going on vacation, purchasing the things they want. Long-term financial difficulties alienate lovers from each other.
• Excessive jealousy is not such a rare case as it might seem at first glance. Too jealous people limit their partner, depriving him of personal space. Total control can develop into paranoia, accompanied by uncontrollable anger. It is difficult to build normal family relationships with such a person.
• Sexual dissatisfaction of partners. When love passions pass and everyday life begins, spouses often lose interest in each other. An intimate relationship becomes monotonous and does not cause much delight. This is especially true after the birth of a child. The woman is busy raising and caring for the baby, so there is practically no strength or desire for intimacy.
• Lack of children is a modern problem. Every 3 married couples suffer from infertility, which is why doctors recommend immediately contacting specialists to solve the problem, rather than filing a divorce petition. Naturally, all sensible young people want to have children, but a disappointing diagnosis becomes a stumbling block for many couples in love.
• Moral oppression is a way for some people to fulfill themselves and feed their ego. At work, they cannot express their opinions or express dissatisfaction, so they bring all the negativity home, taking out their anger on their household. Constant reproaches and insults from a spouse lead to complete disappointment and hatred. Naturally, such relationships lead to divorce proceedings.
• Physical violence. Unbalanced spouses are not able to control their emotions and give up at the slightest quarrel. Inappropriate behavior and physical violence also contribute to the breakdown of family ties. The reasons for divorcing her husband in this case are obvious.
• Different views on life are a rare problem, but it occurs for those who consider themselves a self-sufficient person. Constant disagreement with the opinion of a loved one, opposing views on family values, raising children and other everyday and social problems lead to scandals.

Maintaining a warm and tender relationship in marriage is a lot of work! Two completely different people connect their lives to create their own little world, understandable only to them. Do not ignore the requests of loved ones, value your family and support each other. Love is always built on mutual understanding, respect and wisdom.

Video on the topic

The family broke up, the former spouses went through a painful period during the divorce and now, having received a certificate of divorce, and having become complete strangers and free from each other, everyone must start a new life.

The breakup of a family does not pass without a trace, it leaves a deep emotional wound in the hearts of the divorced, pain and resentment, it also affects the state of health, various diseases arise from stress, some serious diseases can even lead to death. After a divorce, as a rule, a division of property occurs, and often it occurs in court, with a scandal, living conditions worsen, as there is a need to divide the apartment, financial problems arise, and problems in communicating with children arise.

Consequences of divorce for women

Every woman experiences divorce in her own way, but for every woman it is a lot of stress, because no matter what the reason for the family breakdown, the woman feels abandoned, abandoned, and useless to anyone. If a woman loved her husband and believed that they had a strong family, and the divorce came as a surprise and a big shock, then the experiences may be deeper, more protracted, the woman may become depressed, and thoughts arise: “How to live further and is it worth living?” ? If a woman has any mental disorders, then due to divorce, thoughts of suicide may arise. At this time, the sensitivity and help of family and friends is very important; they should treat the woman’s problem with understanding, protect and encourage her in every possible way.

Often after a divorce, a single woman loses contact with her husband’s friends, and sometimes with married friends, since her friends see her as a threat to their marriage and may perceive her as a rival. And the divorced woman herself most often refuses to spend time together with the families of her acquaintances, as she is embarrassed to appear alone. Of course, in most cases, friends and acquaintances try to somehow support their unfortunate girlfriend, try to introduce her to one of their available available men in order to brighten up her loneliness.

Divorce is most difficult for women who have been married for many years if their husband suddenly leaves the family for a young rival. A woman is left alone, it’s good if adult children support their mother, help her, and if she has grandchildren, they brighten up her loneliness. But it often happens that adult children live with their families far away or do not consider it necessary to communicate with their abandoned mother.
If there are children in the family, as a rule, after the divorce they remain with their mother. In an incomplete family, financial difficulties often arise, family income decreases, and the mother is forced to look for another job, better paid, or take a second job in order to provide her children with everything they need, while the mother is more tired and pays less attention to her children. Often exhausted by difficulties, work, morally devastated, offended by her ex-husband, a woman turns her children against her father, making him out to be a traitor and a scoundrel.

Often, after a divorce, a young mother with a small child returns to her parental family. If the family is prosperous and the parents love and support their daughter and her baby in every possible way, and help her in raising the child, then the bitterness from the divorce decreases and the woman copes with the tragedy more easily. But it happens that parents reproach their daughter for not being able to protect their family from divorce, for being left alone with a child in her arms, without work, and now they have to feed her and her child. A woman experiences pain not only from the betrayal of her ex-husband, but even greater pain from the fact that she and her child are a burden for the family of her parents.

When the reason for divorce is the husband’s alcoholism or drug addiction, the woman herself decides to get rid of such a marriage. Often a woman is left with bitterness because her ex-husband, a person she once loved, exchanged her and her children for a bottle and lost himself as a person. But the realization that he will never again torment her soul with his drunkenness, will never again raise a hand against her and the children, will not fray her nerves - gives the woman strength and a positive attitude to overcome all the difficulties that will be present in her single-parent family .

Women experience divorce more difficult than men; women are less likely to start a new family, since the children remain with their mother.

Consequences of divorce for men

Divorce for a man, as well as for a woman, is a great stress, it reverberates with resentment and pain, emotions and also leaves a deep wound in the heart. It is customary for society to pity, justify and support a divorced woman with children, while a man is condemned for abandoning her with children and accused of betrayal.
A man is the same living person as a woman, he has the same heart, which hurts from the breakdown of his family, from parting with his beloved children, from the betrayal of his beloved wife.

Often, after a divorce, a man with depression begins to get involved in strong alcoholic drinks to cope with a stressful situation. It seems to him that he can drown out his grief with vodka, but the more he drinks, the faster his depressive state worsens. If a man does not come to his senses in time and does not pull himself together, then he will have many problems not only with health, but also with work.

A man, like a woman, has a natural desire to have his own cozy home, where loving family members are always waiting for him. And after a divorce, he is most often forced to leave the family, and therefore the home. A man needs to live somewhere, it’s good if he goes to his parents’ family, where he will find understanding and support from his relatives.

If you have to rent a home, financial and economic problems often arise. After all, most husbands are not suitable for managing household chores; all family affairs were carried out by the spouse. And she cooked food, and washed, and ironed clothes, and washed dishes and cleaned the apartment. And now, willy-nilly, you have to do everything yourself. He is depressed by the unsettled life, the inability to prepare normal food for himself, he is forced to eat improperly, which leads to deterioration of health.

If the initiator of the divorce was the ex-husband, and the reason for the divorce was the new family, then he manages to avoid problems with housing. But other problems often arise, the man is disappointed in his new wife, constantly compares her with his ex - and she cooks not as tasty as his ex-wife, he realizes that the divorce was a mistake, and the first wife is much better than the new one.

Many men, having found long-awaited freedom, cannot always quickly find new love. They have difficulty communicating with women, since many women, having learned that a man has just gotten divorced, do not always make contact with him. The woman suspects that in front of her is not a completely decent man, since his wife kicked him out, it means that he is either a walker, or worthless or irresponsible, if he left his wife and children.

Often, due to nervousness from a divorce, from resentment that his ex-wife left him, preferred another man to him, or decided: “it’s better to live alone than with just anyone,” a man may experience a decrease in sexual desire.

If a man has children whom he loves very much, he misses them - separation from children depresses him, he often feels like a traitor to his children. And if the ex-wife also turns the children against the father, prevents him from communicating with the children or does not allow him to see the children at all, the man suffers, he is in pain, he is forced to worry and hide his pain, because men are not accustomed to share their feelings with others. A woman can cry to her friends and family and she will feel better, but a man is not allowed to shed tears and he keeps all the negative emotions, all the grief within himself.

It happens that after a divorce, the children remain with the father, and the mother leaves the family, the man has to replace the children’s mother, take care of them, prepare food, perform all the functions that the ex-wife used to perform, and raise the children alone. It is very difficult for a woman raising children alone, and even more difficult for a man, because for a woman, household chores are a familiar and everyday thing, and a man needs to learn not only to cook and wash, but also to care for children and raise them. And from the thought that his wife abandoned not only him, but also his children, that she turned out to be not only a bad wife, but also a disgusting mother, the pain in the man’s soul will be present for many years.

Consequences of divorce for children

Children suffer the most from their parents' divorce. After all, they love both mom and dad equally, and separation from one of the parents upsets the child.

If the child is very small and is breastfed, and the mother lost milk during the divorce, then the child not only receives psychological stress, but the breastfeeding process is interrupted and the baby does not receive the necessary nutrition for its development. If a young mother has to look for a job and hand over the baby to her parents to raise, a break with the mother can lead the child to depression, he loses his appetite, and his health worsens.

Older children also experience stress from their parents' divorce. It is difficult for a child to understand why dad left the family, and mom cries all the time, and when the child asks: “Where is my dad?”, mom gets angry and calls dad bad words, tells the child, “that dad left them and doesn’t love them anymore.” The child becomes scared: what if his mother leaves him, stops loving him, he becomes capricious, does not want to part with his mother, is afraid to be alone. He is often sad, cries, his sleep becomes restless and intermittent.

Some children become withdrawn, many consider themselves to blame for the fact that their parents separated, become thoughtful, silent, and do not want to communicate and play with their peers.

Boys often become irritable and more aggressive, vent all their anger and anger on their peers, get into fights, use foul language, and start smoking and drinking alcoholic beverages. If a mother scolds her son for bad behavior or poor performance at school, the son threatens to leave home, and sometimes runs away from home, is rude to his mother, and becomes uncontrollable. After a divorce, many boys do not want to communicate with their father, they try in every possible way to delay meetings with him, and when they meet, they do not want to talk or are rude and behave defiantly.

Girls become more touchy, whiny, and often become sad. To attract attention, they complain of headaches or pain in the heart or stomach. Mom should not ignore these complaints; a visit to the clinic is simply necessary, since various diseases can arise against the background of stress. The mother needs to try to be more tender and affectionate with her daughter during this period; there is no need to turn the daughter against her father, there is no need to say: “your father is a scoundrel and a scoundrel, he abandoned us,” since the girl may develop negative attitudes towards men. Having matured, she will perceive men as evil and will experience difficulties in relationships with the opposite sex, which can negatively affect a woman’s destiny and personal life.

When his parents divorce, the child suffers very much, worries, he is scared, as his ideas about life are destroyed, he often feels guilty that the parents separated. He loves both mom and dad equally, and separation from dad has a depressing effect on him.

What needs to be done to alleviate the child’s suffering?

First of all, you need to try to preserve the way of life that was in the family before the divorce, to preserve all family habits and traditions. There is no need to transfer your child to a new school or another kindergarten, because a new unusual environment and unfamiliar people can cause him even more stress and anxiety.

The child must continue to communicate not only with the father, but also with the grandparents and other relatives of the father; they must also take part in raising the child.

Despite the pain and resentment, for the sake of the peace and well-being of their child, divorced parents should try to find a common language with each other and behave calmly and restrainedly in front of the child, without reproaches or irritation.

There is no need to deceive the child by saying that dad went on a business trip; it is better to say frankly that dad will no longer live with us. Try to reassure and convince the child that dad loves him, and will always love him, and in the same way as before he will communicate with him.

Give your child more attention, affection, love during this difficult period, do not leave him alone with your worries, try to walk more often, go to the zoo, to the cinema, watch cartoons together or read your favorite books, this will make it easier for you and your child to survive the divorce .

Protect your family from divorce and let your children grow up in a happy and complete family!

Reasons for family breakdown. Why couldn't you create a happy family?

Reasons for divorce in the family - although it’s a painful topic, it’s still very young, because... became relevant only a few decades ago. According to statistics, in the 50s, only three percent of spouses who got married were divorced, in the 60s - already 10 percent. In the 80s, for one reason or another, 33 percent of spouses could not avoid divorce in the family. Currently, the divorce rate reaches approximately 45 percent.

It is mainly young families that have existed for less than one year that break up; another third of divorces occur in families that have lived for one to five years. Therefore, the causes of divorce in families is a youth problem.

Of course, there are cases when divorces are simply necessary, when spouses in a family do not respect each other, do not love each other and do not consider each other at all, i.e. in fact, the man in the family and the woman in the family are almost enemies to each other. And how to avoid divorce in such a family? And is it necessary? After all, trying to maintain a semblance of family life is emotionally crippling for children.

For every hundred broken families there are about 120 children. And in almost all cases, children remain with their mother. Moreover, more than half of women do not enter into second marriages, i.e. in raising children in the family there is no influence of a man as the head of the family. And our school, which has recently become heavily feminized, cannot replace the father’s upbringing of children. And this leads to bad consequences.

Poor acquaintance between future newlyweds before marriage is one of the main reasons for family dysfunction and, as a consequence, reasons for divorce. It’s not often that a happy accident brings together a boy and a girl with the same views and interests. In this case, they were very lucky. Much more often we have to “get used to” each other and adapt. And not everyone has the patience, desire and knowledge for this.

Let's take, for example, two families. In both the first and second families, the husband and wife are talented people. In both families, spouses love each other. But the first family breaks up, but the second does not. What caused the breakup in the first family? And in this family, the wife did not see a friend in her husband, did not see him as the head of the family. She perceived him as a rival and believed that both everyday life and children were a trap that her insidious husband had set for her in order to be more successful in life. And when he entered graduate school after graduation, his wife filed for divorce. In the second family, the spouses supported each other. And the wife decided not to chase her husband. The husband defended his doctorate, but his wife, a candidate of sciences, decided not to write a doctorate. She explained this by saying that she did this for the sake of the family. The husband, thanks to the support of his wife, became a promising scientist. As a result, the whole family benefited, including herself. The same cannot be said about the first family.

In the past, the following phrase was often heard: “We decided at the family council. “Why is this heard very rarely today? But very often you can hear about spouses’ rivalry with each other, that neither one nor the other wants to give in on anything. And after this they naively believe that they will be able to create a happy family and find family happiness.

Approximately 40% of women and half of men create second marriages after divorce, i.e. It turns out that the reason for divorce in the family also becomes the reason for women’s loneliness.

Women after divorce in many cases do not give birth again. It turns out that divorces in families have a negative impact on the demographic situation. The ease with which young people go for divorce and their frivolous attitude towards marriage suggests that getting divorced has become a kind of fashion; this is the unusual reason for divorce we have received. In our country, not only was the right to divorce enshrined in the constitution several decades earlier than in other countries, but getting a divorce is not difficult. And if there are no children, then, in general, for any reason, a divorce can be filed at any registry office. And such ease of divorce often gives rise to a disregard for marriage.

Fashion in the field of family life is a dangerous and unkind thing. And not everyone realizes this. People often cover up their own selfishness with references to love. It’s so convenient to blame everything on love and jealousy, on the whims of the wife and the bad character of the husband.

Most of all, for various reasons, divorces occur in cities with millionaires. In such megacities, social control of the family in the form of relatives, parents-in-law, neighbors, and acquaintances is much weaker. And young people are getting married more recklessly. And there are much more mercenary and fictitious marriages here, and they quickly fall apart. And for many girls and boys, marriage is a necessary measure, because... a baby is expected.

And often young people say that the family has broken up. And they cannot clearly formulate the reason for the divorce. And I want to ask them: “Who did you want to be in love: creators or destroyers? And who did you really become?

A study of the most common reasons for divorce of young families, conducted in Moscow, gave the following picture:

First place. The reason for divorce is bad habits, in particular, the problem of alcoholism in the family (in most cases, in the spouse);
Second place. The reason for divorce is infidelity in the family of one of the spouses;
Third place. The reason for divorce is a frivolous, thoughtless marriage;
Fourth place. The reason for the divorce is housing difficulties and not enough money to live;
Fifth place. The reason for divorce is conflicts in the family over parents.

And there is one more reason that also needs to be mentioned. Marriage of convenience is a concept familiar to everyone. And it is clear to everyone that the basis of marriage is not love, but a certain benefit of one of the spouses. And in such a family, already in the first years of marriage and even the first months, the elementary rules of mutual respect are violated and moral principles are violated. And this is logical, what is at the core of marriage (material gain instead of feelings), is what happens in the end. From the very beginning, conflicts begin in such a family, again because the spouses have no love and respect. Lovers of “freebies” forget that you can’t build a happy marriage on benefits. Families that are provided with a material component, but deprived of a spiritual component, fall apart.

A world in half: 18 reasons for divorce

It is known that the number of divorces. Marriage is becoming an increasingly unstable institution. Only in Islamic states does the family remain almost the same indestructible structure as it was hundreds of years ago. Perhaps because there only the man has the right to break the marriage bond. A woman has the right only to go to court, which in itself is a defiant act that is condemned in society. And she must have the most serious reasons for this. The usual “they don’t get along,” which is common for many people, will not work here.

In Russia, just as in Europe and the USA, the number of divorces is growing year by year relative to the number of marriages. But the reasons for divorce differ significantly, according to sociologists. Citizens of all states have only one thing in common: they are all not ready to tolerate adultery. This cause of divorce remains one of the main reasons throughout the world. And in our country, about a quarter of all divorces occur due to infidelity.

EUROPE

In Europe, one of the main reasons for divorce, which scientists point to, is the increase in the welfare of the population, a more equitable distribution of material wealth between all layers of society and the rapid development of the system of state benefits. This, paradoxically, has led to the fact that in the most prosperous European countries, each spouse feels protected and can cope with all difficulties alone, even if they have children.

That is, marriage as an economic support is becoming needed by fewer and fewer people, but the family as a union of loving people does not always work, because it has an alternative: a huge number of couples live in a civil union without officially registering the relationship.

Reason 1: It pays to be single

In Belgium, where the divorce rate is one of the highest in the world at 71 percent, being single is simply beneficial: this is how the country's social security system is structured. And given the fact that in Belgium there is a very high percentage of educated people who have the broadest views on the institution of marriage, there is no condemnation of non-traditional family forms in society. Rather, traditional marriage is becoming less and less popular.

Reason 2: betrayal and alienation

Among the most frequently cited reasons for divorce in Europe, sociologists note betrayal and spousal alienation. True, as surveys have shown, most Europeans consider regular infidelity or a long-term extramarital affair of one of the spouses to be a sufficient reason for divorce, and not a one-time affair on the side.

An unconditional reason for divorce is also considered to be the situation when one of the spouses, as a result of his sexual adventure, infected the other with a sexually transmitted disease, or he himself contracted AIDS.

Reason 3: alcoholism and drug addiction

Social pathologies such as alcoholism and drug addiction of one of the spouses remain a common cause of divorce. Europe has the world's highest per capita alcohol consumption. Alcohol is part of the mass consumption culture, but this does not mean that there are more chronic alcoholics here than, for example, in Russia. It’s just that almost the entire adult population drinks alcohol, especially wine and beer. However, the attitude towards alcoholism in society is clearly negative.

As for drug addiction, this threat is one of the most acute in Europe. According to Alexey Lyzhenkov, director of the Department of the Secretariat for Transnational Threats of the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe, more than 15 million people in Europe take drugs. According to sociologists, in the UK alone, every 12th person aged 15 to 24 years uses drugs (including psychoactive substances that are not prohibited by law). And many narcotic substances can be legally purchased via the Internet and in pharmacy chains.

Reason 4: homosexual relationships

The number of divorces due to one of the spouses having a same-sex sexual partner has increased. Women are especially intolerant of homosexual relationships with their significant other. They are more likely than men to end their marriage for this reason.

Only bisexual couples are happy with this situation and simply diversify their sex life by introducing someone else into it.

Reason 5: infertility or unwillingness to have children

Divorces due to the infertility of one of the spouses have also become more frequent, and women are more likely to seek divorce, and men are less likely to consider their wife’s infertility a valid reason for divorce. Women apply for divorce not if the husband is infertile, but only if he does not agree for his wife to give birth to a child without his help. For example, as a result of artificial insemination using donor sperm.

Conscious refusal of childbearing has generally become a fashionable trend in countries with a high level of development. Finally, many modern city dwellers simply do not want to sacrifice their careers and exciting, experience-filled lives for the sake of having children. This is increasingly an area where spouses categorically cannot agree.

Reason 6: computer addiction

Among the new reasons for divorce that have appeared in Europe in the last decade, sociologists note complaints about computer addiction and the lack of any attention to the partner for this reason.

If we consider Europe as a whole, the percentage of divorces in relation to the number of marriages is increasing annually, but still remains somewhat lower than in the United States. Of course, in Europe the divorce situation differs greatly from country to country. For example, in Belgium, the Czech Republic and Sweden, the divorce rate has been very high in recent years: more than half of all marriages end in divorce.

You will learn about all the secrets of family life, what problems and joys await you on the path to a happy marriage, and most importantly - how to avoid separation and maintain the “weather in the house” from the new MTRK series “MIR”, which starts showing on the 18th th button this fall. Don't forget to turn on "automatic adjustment" of your TV and enjoy the new modified format of the MIR TV channel.

In Italy, on the contrary, this figure is traditionally one of the lowest, due to economic reasons and the difficulties that couples have to go through to get a divorce. Courts force spouses to live separately for years to test their decision before officially dissolving the marriage, and then oblige the ex-spouse to pay alimony not only to the children, but also to the ex-spouse until she remarries. In addition to Italy, low divorce rates are also typical for Poland and Ireland.

In the United States, the divorce rate is higher than in Russia and most European countries. In the United States, women also no longer feel financially dependent on their husbands, although there is still a wage gap between men and women in the United States. But this is not the main thing. In America, where Puritan values ​​have traditionally been held in high esteem, their rethinking is in full swing.

Reason 1: desire to get more pleasure from marriage

New generations of Americans do not consider it necessary to deny themselves anything for the sake of marriage stability if they can afford more pleasures.

Americans evaluate the quality of their marriage very soberly, as if it were a material consumer object, like a car. If family relationships do not satisfy them, they do not hesitate to break up.

Despite all the sentimentality of Americans, they view family from a consumer point of view. The partner doesn’t suit them - they look for another one, then this one stops suiting them too, they change him again. Perhaps this is why in the United States those who have previously dissolved their marriage are more likely to get divorced. The numbers are amazing, this is not observed anywhere in the world: about 60 percent of Americans who enter into it end their second marriage, and 73 percent end their third marriage! The most stable are first marriages, of which only 41 percent break up.

Reason 2: incompatibility due to racial, national, religious and other beliefs

Among the voiced reasons for divorce, the most common is the incompatibility of spouses. This more than broad concept in each specific case can mean anything: racial, national, religious contradictions, differences in upbringing and mentality, different ideas about raising children and the distribution of responsibilities in the family, even different political views. The spouses simply decide that they are not a couple and no longer want to live together.

Reason 3: financial difficulties

Among the other most common reasons for divorce, Americans cite financial difficulties. Despite the generally relatively high level of well-being in the United States, there is a fairly high degree of stratification in society. Two-thirds of US families experience financial problems of varying degrees of complexity, and money issues can ruin any, even the most wonderful relationship.

True, the financial crisis, oddly enough, had a positive impact on the dynamics of divorces: their number decreased in different states by 3-7%. According to the survey, about a quarter of Americans felt that their family united and became stronger during the crisis.

Reason 4: physical or mental violence in the family

Divorces due to various types of domestic violence are not so rare in the United States. True, Americans include this concept not only in cases where a husband beats his wife and children, or threatens them with violence. But also such, for example, when a wife “nags” her husband, that is, she exercises constant moral pressure on him.

Not to mention situations of systematic moral humiliation of a husband or wife, ridicule of weaknesses and all kinds of bullying.

Reason 5: cheating

Adultery in the United States is condemned no less strictly than in other countries. The situation is complicated by the fact that, within the framework of the ingrained societal attitude towards marriage as a commodity, many modern Americans are not ready to work on their relationships within the family if they are not satisfied with them.

It is much easier to either change your spouse or choose another sexual partner who will be more satisfying. This situation cannot but lead to an increase in divorces due to increased adultery.

Reason 6: Loss of sexual desire for your spouse

According to many scientists, the sexual activity of the population of the United States and certain European countries is in a state of crisis. Unemployment, stress, feverish haste, uncertainty about the future lead to the fact that partners perceive sexual arousal as an additional stress factor and become attached to each other, like brother and sister, looking primarily for moral support.

Therefore, more and more often there are families in which spouses understand each other, have a lot in common, but do not experience sexual desire for each other. Some couples stop having sexual relations altogether, but sooner or later they are no longer happy with it.

RUSSIA

In Russia, fewer marriages break up than in the United States, but still a lot: 51 percent, which is more than half. In terms of the number of divorces, we are somewhere in the middle between European countries, closer to highly developed ones. But our reasons for divorce are diametrically opposed. While there is a high degree of social security there, our young couples cannot withstand the difficulties that befall them.

Moreover, in both capitals and big cities fewer and fewer marriages are taking place: many couples live in civil unions and are in no hurry to formalize their relationship legally. Moreover, studies conducted in different countries have shown that people who lived in a civil marriage for some time before deciding to get married demonstrate twice the tendency to break up their relationship than those couples who did not lead a joint household until the wedding. So this passion for civil marriages is inherently harmful. Such families are extremely rarely stable.

Reason 1: difficult living conditions

But Russia is a very large country and in the outback the situation is completely different than in the capitals. There are plenty of divorces there, but, according to sociologists, one of the main reasons for divorces, like decades ago, is the cramped and overcrowded living conditions of families. Often newlyweds live together with the parents of the husband or wife. This entails a whole train of problems that are associated with parental interference in the life of a young family.

Conflicts arise between generations, and the spouse who brought his chosen one to the parental home cannot always obtain respect from the parents for the young family and defend the right to independence.

Reason 2: early age of marriage and early pregnancies

Another reason for divorces in the Russian outback, as before, is the too early age of newlyweds getting married, as well as the birth of their first child before the young spouses are psychologically ready to face serious difficulties.

According to sociologists, in Russia the average woman gets married at the age of 22.8 years, and gives birth to her first child at 23.2 years old (that is, it turns out that many young families register their relationships in the middle of pregnancy, which also does not contribute to the strength young families). In Europe, for comparison, the average bride is 5-7 years older than ours.

Reason 3: cheating

Note that the conclusions of sociologists do not coincide with the reasons for the breakup that the couples themselves indicate when divorcing. The most frequently cited reason is the betrayal of one of the spouses. Another thing is that they usually omit scenarios for the development of events. What is left out of the brackets is the unfavorable development of relationships, often marriages concluded in connection with the onset of pregnancy and difficulties due to the appearance of an early child, for the birth of which no one is psychologically and financially prepared.

But betrayal, as a result of all this, or as a result of other problems in the family, becomes the property of society and is indicated as one of the reasons for divorce.

Reason 4: alcoholism of one of the spouses

Another frequently voiced reason for divorce is alcoholism of one of the spouses. And again, all previous developments of events, if any, are left out. Interestingly, men are much less likely to initiate divorces due to their wives’ alcoholism. And it’s not just that female alcoholism is less common. It's just that men are less likely to consider this a sufficient reason for divorce. Among the reasons why they are ready to divorce are drug addiction, as well as the wife’s constant refusal of sexual contacts.

Reason 5: financial problems

A difficult financial situation and the conflicts associated with this are a fairly common reason for breakups initiated by women. They turn out to be intolerant of the situation if the husband does not work at all and does not want to work. And such cases are becoming more common due to general economic instability in the country.

Moreover, men, on the contrary, are tolerant of the fact that their wife does not want to work, but are not ready to put up with the fact that they are constantly “nagged” for the fact that they earn little or do not earn at all.

Reason 6: lack of mutual understanding

Finally, the notorious “dissimilarity of characters”: lack of mutual understanding and the inability to find compromises on a variety of issues remains a fairly common reason for divorce. Constant quarrels and scandals, stormy showdowns or, conversely, complete alienation between spouses who live like neighbors in a communal apartment are a common cause of divorce.

This category also includes divorces in which the spouses were unable to agree on the issue of having children. After all, cases have become more frequent when one of the spouses simply does not want to have children, or cannot have them. Moreover, women, as in Europe, get divorced not because their spouse is infertile, but only if he does not allow her to give birth to a child as a result of artificial insemination.

Sexual dissatisfaction with a spouse, as before, is extremely rarely cited as a reason for divorce in Russia. So guess whether everything is fine with this, or no one considers this kind of problem serious enough for a break.

Reasons for divorce in young families

10 reasons for young spouses to divorce

It’s sad, but a very large percentage of divorces occur precisely in the early period of marriage. It would seem that this should not happen: after all, they are still young and have not had time to get bored in the monotony of family life. But nevertheless, sociological studies show such unpleasant statistics. Why? It is worth understanding the reason for such frequent divorces. After all, knowing the cause, you can change the consequences.

Reason one: fictitious goals in starting a family. This is not entirely about a fictitious marriage, which, as we know, does not become real. A fictitious goal means incorrect, initially erroneous. That is, young people decided to start a family. What goals or reasons were they guided by: to escape from the annoying tyrants of their parents? Or maybe you wanted to outdo your girlfriends and friends? Or walk for a couple of days in a beautiful wedding dress or suit? Of course, a huge number of such nonsense can be named. It’s interesting, but true: these are the wrong reasons that couples use to start a family. It’s a pity that before the wedding they don’t ask each other and themselves the main question: “Why do I (you) want (do you want) to get married (get married)?” Honest answers to such a question would greatly reduce the number of unstable marriages.

Reason two: problems in everyday life. When starting a family, young people rarely think about what awaits them after a beautiful celebration and first wedding night. Family is work in which both wife and husband must take part. A family means daily cooking, washing, cleaning, and the distribution of responsibilities and the family budget. Almost no one managed to avoid the problem of everyday life. It's always difficult at first. After all, you need to learn not only the delights of housekeeping, but also begin the process of “grinding in” to each other. It is necessary to be patient at this stage of family life and the problem of everyday life will not become a reason for divorce.

Reason three: "help" from parents. Paradoxical as it may sound, parents of newlyweds become a serious obstacle to a happy family life. Of course, loving fathers and mothers want to help, because they already have so much experience, so much knowledge in the field of family. But most often they do not think about what hurricanes of passions and family scandals such help can cause. Young people do not want to learn the wisdom of their fathers and mothers, they want to learn from their own mistakes and they must be allowed to do this. Parents should not sit with young people all day long and teach them how to cook or raise children. You shouldn’t bother with advice and instructions unless asked. This will not lead to anything good. This problem can be greatly aggravated by the fact that the newlyweds live with the parents of one of the spouses. Therefore, we smoothly move on to the fourth reason.

Reason four: lack of own housing. The problem of own housing in our country is very catastrophic. Rarely does anyone have the happiness of moving into their own apartment immediately after marriage. Most often, you have to share the space with your parents or rent housing (which can hit both the budget and the family as a whole). The problem here is even more psychological than anything else. After all, something new is being created - the family, as a unit of society. Therefore, consciously and unconsciously, I want to reinforce this with the stability and independence that my own “den” can provide.

Reason five: birth of a child. The birth of a new family member to unprepared parents can cause a lot of stress and trouble. It’s not just about the financial difficulties that arise with the birth of a baby, but also about constant fatigue, lack of sleep, and lack of support from the spouse. Agree, often fathers do not indulge mothers with help in caring for the child, citing work, busyness or fear of the little one. Jealousy may also increase due to the fact that most of the attention is switched to the child. In the first year after childbirth, sexual activity also decreases significantly, because the young mother’s fatigue and lack of time does not allow her to indulge in lovemaking very often.

Reason six: lack of money, unstable earnings. As a rule, financial difficulties arise for everyone at all times, but in a young family they are perceived most painfully. For many desires (new furniture, buying household appliances, dishes, bed linen) cannot be satisfied without material well-being, that is, without money.

Reason seven: sexual incompatibility, sexual dissatisfaction. The problem of sexual incompatibility rarely manifests itself in those couples who do not use the chaste rule: no-no before marriage. Such newlyweds may experience sexual dissatisfaction after the wedding due to family scandals, pregnancy and the birth of children, illnesses and other reasons. This problem is completely solvable and will go away over time. When partners did not indulge themselves in sex before the wedding, then after the wedding a small surprise is quite possible: complete sexual incompatibility. This is a huge problem, which is very rare today, but at the same time leads to early divorce.

Reason eight: conflict, incompatibility of characters. Marriage is a kind of lever that turns events into the usual course of life or, so to speak, takes off the rose-colored glasses. Sometimes young people say that before the wedding everything was just wonderful for them: affection, romantic evenings, flowers and complete mutual understanding, but after the wedding, family life is full of scandals. The fact is that before the wedding, partners try to present themselves as advantageously as possible, as a commodity, which often turns out to be not what they really are. This unnatural, artificially created image usually disappears after marriage. And rightly so: why pretend to be something that I really am not. This is where absolute incompatibility of characters and temperaments may appear, which were not truly studied before the wedding.

Reason nine: frequent feasts and parties with friends. The feasts themselves are not a problem, but the consequences they cause can be catastrophic for a young family. Thus, frequent drinking of alcohol is an increasing dependence, and constant communication with friends replaces over time the dialogue of spouses and, as a result, misunderstanding between them increases. In addition, on the basis of friendly parties, adultery becomes a frequent factor, which can be ignored, or may never be forgiven.

Reason ten: spiritual poverty, lack of common interests. The lack of common interests can be identified before marriage, but families are still created based on the erroneous belief that everything will change and improve. However, statistics show that in marriage it is impossible to build something that was not there in the first place. Partners must have common interests, views, and hobbies. In addition, after the wedding, you should not sit at home watching TV all evenings. You can organize board games, family concerts, just chat in a quiet environment or go to the cinema.

In the modern world it is very difficult to create a family, but to protect it is even more difficult. And knowing the most common mistakes that lead to divorce, you can save something very important and beautiful - your family.

MOTIVES AND REASONS FOR DIVORCE

Like any other socio-psychological phenomenon, divorces are usually associated with objective and subjective reasons. Some sociologists believe that the main conditions that predetermine divorce are urbanization of lifestyle, migration, industrialization of the country, and emancipation of women. All these factors reduce the level of social control, making people's lives largely anonymous, which in some circumstances creates a lack of responsibility, stable attachment, and mutual care for each other. But these are just some conditions, just a background. In such conditions, strong families and temporary (trial), disintegrating marriage unions can simultaneously exist and be created. In addition to the specified conditions, each divorce has its own grounds, main and accompanying reasons and motives.

Under motive for divorce understands the rationale for the decision that the needs of marriage cannot be satisfied in a given marital union. Psychological studies of the motives for divorce give reason to talk about their fairly stable hierarchy. According to the research data of S. V. Chuiko, in a big city, the motives for divorce can be arranged in the following order:

1) drunkenness and alcoholism of one of the spouses;

2) dissimilarity of characters and lack of mutual understanding;

3) treason or suspicion of treason;

5) the appearance of another family;

6) loss of feelings of love;

7) physical incompatibility;

9) interference in family relationships of parents or other relatives;

10) illness of one of the spouses;

11) fictitious marriage;

12) irresponsible attitude of spouses towards family and family responsibilities;

13) forced separation of spouses;

14) the absence of children or the reluctance of one of the spouses to have them.

Frequently used motives give spouses the opportunity to avoid explaining the reasons (inconsistency of characters, poor living conditions). While the motives for divorce usually lie on the surface and are therefore easily “voiced” by marriage partners, their reasons are most often hidden in the depths of the consciousness of each of them, and even to themselves they are not always able to admit that the chosen one ceases to satisfy them in psychologically.

Former spouses justify their decision to divorce in different ways. As evidenced by divorce statistics, the motive of “violation of marital infidelity” is put forward by 51% of men and only 28% of women. This confirms the well-known observation that men are much more categorical about the fact of female infidelity; 44.6% of women and only 10.6% of men cite their spouse’s drunkenness as the reason for divorce.

From a psychological perspective, divorce represents a change in the balance of forces that sustains a marriage. Supporting factors include moral, psychological and partly economic interest in each other, personal satisfaction with marital relations, as well as social norms, values, and sanctions. The factors that destroy a marriage are the manifestation of mutual dissatisfaction and hostility, antipathy, irritation, hatred. External factors also stimulate the development and aggravation of intra-family conflicts (troubles at work, contradictions with relatives and neighbors, adulterous relationships), which can serve as a reason (motive) for breaking marital ties.

Despite significant socio-economic changes in Russian society in recent years, little has changed in the reasons and motives for divorce. For example, many modern men in most cases try to motivate their “escape from the family ship” by fatigue from the monotony of modern life with the same woman. At the same time, they often say that “marital ties deprive them of personal sovereignty and the right to creative self-expression, and disgusted wives do not understand the depth and versatility of their subtle, vulnerable nature.”

As for women, they explain their reluctance to stay married:

1) the husband’s incessant drunkenness;

2) low material security and difficult living conditions of the family;

3) “dissimilarity of characters.”

The difference is obvious: a woman will never leave her husband, even if he is unloved and inferior, especially in the “nowhere”, if he is not an alcoholic, not a homeless person or a sadist.

Motive- This is mainly a subjective, often far-fetched reason that spouses put forward when divorcing a marriage. It is determined by the personal attitude of each of them to marital relations, to their family responsibilities and to the way of life together. At the same time, these kinds of motives are not unfounded: very often they are associated with objective life reasons, which for some reason a person could not or did not want to cope with, which ultimately led to family destruction, the elimination of which one or both marriage partners see in separation, that is, in dissolution of marriage (divorce).

These reasons are closely related to the so-called risk factors for divorce. As such, three groups of risk factors for divorce can be distinguished.

First group– personal risk factors (individual typological characteristics of spouses, experience of family life of the ancestral family, state of somatic and neuropsychic health, socio-demographic characteristics, etc.). Traditionally, raising a future spouse in an incomplete or disharmonious family is considered a risk factor. Moreover, emotional disturbances in marital and child-parent relationships are of particular importance: coldness, rejection, detachment, hostility. A significant difference in age, as well as the distance in the educational and social status of future spouses, are also significant risk factors for family life.

Second group risk factors are determined by the history of family creation: conditions of acquaintance, characteristics of the premarital period, motivation for marriage, primary compatibility of a married couple. The stability of a marriage decreases if the period of acquaintance turns out to be too short (less than six months) and insufficient for getting to know each other and establishing equal relationships in which partners learn mutual understanding and cooperation in solving emerging family problems.

Since the family roles of husband and wife in modern society are much less regulated than before, which is due to women’s active participation in social life and social production, time is needed to first coordinate the partners’ views on family values ​​and roles.

A risk factor for the success of a marriage is the bride's premarital pregnancy, especially when the spouses are very young and financially and domestically dependent on their parents. In this case, the courtship period is shortened, and the newlyweds often find themselves psychologically, economically and personally unprepared for future family life.

When a young family without children breaks up, that is, we are talking about a newly formed married couple, the risk factors are inadequate motivation for marriage and the short duration of acquaintance, which does not allow the partners to correlate the value basis of marriage.

Inappropriate motives for marriage may be the desire of one or both spouses to separate from the parental family, either in order to assert their adult status, or in order to avoid conflicts, quarrels, and emotional tension in relations with their own parents. Another inadequate motive may be an exaggerated desire to seek patronage and protection from a partner in order to satisfy the need for personal security. The partner in this case is perceived instrumentally - as a guarantor of security, and the decision to marry is not based on a relationship of love and emotional and psychological intimacy. Typically, a similar situation arises in cases where a couple starts dating or gets married after a significant loss - the death of a loved one, a recent divorce, separation from a loved one, etc.

Third group risk factors reflect unfavorable family functioning conditions. These are unfavorable housing and material-economic conditions, low efficiency of the role behavior of marriage partners, deprivation (deprivation of the opportunity to satisfy) significant and vital needs of family members, deviant (deviating from the socially acceptable norm) behavior of spouses (alcoholism, drug addiction), high conflict, sexual disharmony.

Factors that increase the degree of family readiness for divorce are urbanization and increased mobility of the working-age population, a change in the place of women in the structure of professional employment in society and the further individualization of the life concept, in which the goals of autonomous personal growth are given increasing attention by both sexes. The liberalization of society's attitude towards divorce and the easing of legal norms governing divorce are not the last factors that make it easier to make a decision to divorce.

Along with the risk factors for divorce, we can also talk about the factors of tolerance (tolerant attitude), which reduce the likelihood of family breakdown even in the face of problems in family life and conflict-ridden relationships. The presence of children in the family becomes most significant. The child quite often acts as the “last argument” in the spouses’ decision to divorce in favor of preserving the family. Having children reduces the psychological desire and economic justification for divorce.

Another important factor that keeps spouses from divorcing is uncertainty about their economic situation after divorce and the ability to feed their children and provide them with a full-fledged upbringing and education. For example, according to foreign researchers, the divorce rate in American families decreased during the Great Depression of the 1930s, which was due to a lack of jobs and housing. On the contrary, working wives, who are able to provide for themselves and their children financially after a divorce, show a greater tendency to divorce in problem families than women who do not work or are engaged in low-paid work. Low readiness for divorce is found among residents of rural areas, unemployed women and groups of the population with an income level below the subsistence level.

It is known that it is the woman who in most cases initiates divorce. The commonality of extra-family interests and goals increases the family's resistance to destructive influences. And the main resource of tolerance is the unconditional preservation of sympathy, affection and love for a partner.

We can highlight the most common (typical) reasons for divorce, which in most cases are called by the divorcing spouses themselves:

1. Loss and lack of love, mutual respect, trust and understanding. Since the basis of a modern family and marriage is love, the loss of the feeling of love is considered a fairly serious reason for divorce.

2. Adultery, sexual relations outside of marriage, jealousy. True, in this case it is difficult to say whether adultery was the cause of the divorce or a natural consequence of the previous alienation of the spouses and the actual breakdown of the family. Adultery encroaches on love as the basis of marriage, destroys the integrity of the family, affecting all areas of family functioning; causes psychological damage to the individual, poses a threat to self-acceptance and self-respect, and the self-esteem of the deceived spouse. That is why the complex of feelings that arises as a reaction to adultery includes the experience of jealousy, resentment, loneliness, betrayal, loss of stability and a sense of security (the metaphor of a “broken home”).

3. Alcoholism and excessive drinking by the spouse. As a rule, this motivation is used mainly by women. Recently, the problem of drug addiction has been added to the problem of alcoholism. This, unfortunately, is becoming quite common in young families whose marriage age does not exceed five years of marriage.

4. Claims of one of the spouses for sole supremacy, violation of the norms of equal communication in the family, the authoritarian style of behavior of one of the spouses or the tendency towards authoritarianism of both, which is manifested in the reluctance of mutual concessions when solving problems important to the family.

5. Unfair distribution of household responsibilities, role overload of women due to difficulties in combining work and family responsibilities. This reason takes on particular significance in families where both spouses work, and professional and career goals are important for wives. Quite often, conflicts in the family arise due to the lack of unity between spouses on the issue of to what extent a woman should devote herself to work, career and to what extent to the family.

6. Interference of grandparents in the family life of young spouses. According to researchers, approximately 8% of divorcing young spouses (up to two years of marriage) cited parental interference in their lives as the reason for divorce, while among spouses with more than five years of marital experience, only 0.6%.

7. Inconsistency and contradictory views on raising children. Most often, disagreements between spouses arise in the 5-10th year of marriage, that is, from the moment children are included in the public education system (kindergarten, school), which requires more active participation from the father.

8. Lack of common hobbies and interests of spouses. The lack of common hobbies leads to the fact that spouses in most cases spend their leisure time separately, thereby increasing the gap in their interests. Since from the moment the child is born, the wife is “tied” to the home and her leisure opportunities are significantly limited, conflicts arise and intensify over the “unfair” distribution of free time between spouses and providing them with the opportunity for proper rest.

9. Dissimilarity of characters incompatibility of views and values. The partner's character traits that cause irritation and alienation in a married couple are pettiness, dishonesty, frivolity, impracticality, distrust, imbalance and other personal characteristics.

10. Inadequacy of motives for marriage, psychological unpreparedness of spouses for marriage. As a rule, in this case the family breaks up quite early, and this disintegration is often caused by young people’s idealized ideas about marriage and insufficient knowledge of the partner. The adequacy of ideas about a partner allows young spouses to effectively build their communication and role interaction, find a way to constructively resolve the conflict, develop joint family values, norms and rules of the “family game” and thereby avoid the destruction of the family and its disintegration.

11. Sexual disharmony in marital relationships. Recognizing the absolute need for a married couple to contact a sexologist, we emphasize that in the vast majority of cases, the basis of sexual disharmonies are psychological reasons, the resolution of which necessarily requires the participation of a consulting psychologist.

12. Violence in family, aggressive behavior of the spouse, including all forms of aggression from physical violence to grumpiness and irritability.

13. The spouse’s belonging to a certain profession or involvement in activities that cannot be accepted by the partner due to value, religious, political, ethical and other beliefs and principles.

14. Commitment by a spouse of a criminal act, antisocial and illegal behavior.

15. Unsatisfied desire to have children by one of the spouses and refusal to resolve the problem using modern methods of medical reproduction or child adoption.

16. Material, financial and housing problems of the family, dissatisfaction with a low or simply unsatisfactory standard of living for one of the marriage partners, most often the wife.

The likelihood of family breakdown is largely determined by the stage of its life cycle. The first stage, “a young couple before the birth of children,” has the lowest risk of divorce compared to other stages of the family life cycle. The risk factors for marriage breakdown at this stage are the length of the premarital period (less than 6 months or more than 3 years); significant differences in family values; dominance of the motive for leaving the ancestral family in one or both spouses; experiencing traumatic events during courtship or immediately preceding or following marriage; tension in relations with the ancestral family of one or both marriage partners.

A significant risk of divorce falls at the “family with small children” stage. As a rule, this stage is characterized by a decrease in subjective marital satisfaction, role tension and role overload. Families with teenage children are also vulnerable to the risk of divorce, since it is at this stage that the “mid-life” crisis occurs, often causing a desire to “start life over from scratch.” Divorce in this sense represents for many spouses the easiest decision to part with the past and start life anew. Elderly families rarely decide to divorce, since in old age the need for mutual assistance and mutual support increases.

American researcher of psychological problems of the family K. Whitaker sees the main reason for divorces in the fact that “often the husband and wife performed the functions of father and mother without ever becoming personalities. When the religious sense of the sanctity of marriage evaporated and the desire for individuation appeared, divorce became a way to break out of the chains of such slavery, where two people give up their identity, becoming nobody in order to become part of a symbiotic union called marriage.

He connects his vision of the problems of modern marriage with the inability of young people to act independently, independently of others, especially from their parents, and hence the inability to cope with their problems themselves. Added to this are many socio-cultural aspects that do not so much hold together as destroy the family. The reasons for divorce that we list below, according to K. Whitaker, are largely due to the emergence of new values ​​in culture (sexual freedom and at the same time freedom of marriage).

1. The penetration of the battle between the parents of the husband and wife into the next generation. The wife rebels against her mother being subservient to her mother and does not want to give in to anyone. Having learned to fight the hateful control system of their parents, the couple continues to fight the control and restrictions that are inevitable in any marriage. No union is combined with complete freedom; everyone loses their individuation in it, as well as their loneliness.

2. Some marriages fail because one or both spouses are afraid that this will prevent them from climbing the ladder of success in society.

3. Sometimes the reason for divorce is friction between the families of the husband and wife. Children's impressions of mom and dad fighting also cause them to reproduce similar scenes in their marriage. This is inevitable even in those cases when a person hated them and swore to himself that this would never happen in his life.

4. Some marriages were initially based on the delusional idea shared by both spouses that by joining together, they would become adults and overcome the pangs of uncertainty characteristic of teenagers. The modern call for sexual adventure and seeking it also makes it difficult for couples to come to terms with the responsibilities and demands that exist in their partnership.

5. Many marriages take place long before young people have successfully “divorced” their parents and established their right to be separate individuals. An attempt to become a member of a new family, when a person has not yet risked separating from the old one, gives rise to a phobia. Both spouses then expect to be adopted by their partner parent. Later, one can get out of this paradoxical situation by making a series of movements towards individuation and a return to the union, but this process is painful and endless.

Naturally, this is only part of the reasons that push spouses to divorce. As studies by domestic and foreign specialists in the field of family psychology and family relationships have shown, the main one among them is the psychological and practical unpreparedness of spouses for family life (42% of divorces). This unpreparedness manifests itself in the rudeness of marriage partners, mutual insults and humiliations, inattention to each other, reluctance to help with household chores and raising children, and inability to give in to each other. Along with this, it is accompanied by a lack of common spiritual interests, greed and acquisitiveness of one of the spouses, unpreparedness for interaction, inability to smooth out and eliminate conflicts and the desire to strengthen these conflicts, as well as inability to run a household.

All this becomes clear when the family has already broken up. And before that, neither the spouses nor those around them have a clear understanding of what is happening. Moreover, at the time of the divorce process, neither spouse has time to seriously think about the possible consequences of the breakdown of the family union, both for themselves and for the children.

According to official data, in recent years the number of divorce proceedings in Russia has increased significantly. It is difficult to understand the main reasons for divorce. Sociologists explain this by the fact that children born in the 90s have now reached the age of starting families. At that time, many families were dysfunctional, the consequences of which are still observed today. But this is only one of many reasons for the number of divorced marriages.

Common Causes of Divorce

Family relationships are influenced both positively and negatively by many factors: psychological, social, economic and even political. Each of them can give impetus to the destruction of relationships. It is very difficult to determine exactly the reasons for the breakdown of a marriage. Every family has its own difficulties and problems, which some overcome together, while others prefer to break off relations with their spouse as a solution to the problem.

Sociologists and psychologists have been able to identify several main criteria that can cause divorce in a family:

Psychologists' opinions on divorce

The psychology of divorce and family breakdown represents a certain disruption in the balance of forces that support family relationships. Factors that can keep spouses from divorcing include:

If we talk about psychological factors that destroy family relationships, then these are hostility, antipathy, irritation, etc. With the appearance of these factors in family life, they begin to be reinforced in every possible way by external stimuli - problems at work, disagreements with relatives, neighbors, light affairs on the side. All this inevitably pushes the spouses towards divorce proceedings.

According to psychological studies, men find many more reasons to break off relations with their wives.

Most women, according to their psychological or moral and ethical principles, will try in every possible way to preserve a shaken relationship, especially if it is a family with a child. Women for the most part identify only three reasons for divorce:

• excessive abuse of bad habits (drug addiction, alcoholism);
• the husband’s inability to provide for the family (sometimes it is enough for women that the husband can provide the bare necessities, without excesses);
• rough treatment (we are talking not only about physical, but also about moral violence).

Analyzing the above, we can safely conclude that a woman extremely rarely leaves her husband (especially if she does not have her own home), unless he is an alcoholic, a beggar or a sadist.

Risk factors and motives

All the reasons and motives that push spouses to break off relationships can be combined into risk factors. These factors have a strong impact on all aspects of family life. They are usually divided into three main groups according to their features and characteristics.

Personal factors

This is the first group, which consists of the personal characteristics of each partner, the negative experience of building family relationships between the parents of the spouses, psychological and somatic health.

Statistics show that those families in which one of the partners was brought up in an inferior or inharmonious family are most susceptible to relationship breakdown. At the same time, spouses often project those emotions that prevailed in relationships with their parents onto relationships with each other (coldness, indifference, hostility, rejection).

Also, a large difference in age, education, and social status between spouses plays a negative role in family relationships. These factors often cause misunderstandings or conflicts of interest between spouses.

History of family education

How the future couple met, how the period before marriage proceeded, and the motives for starting a family influence the further development of married life. As a rule, if the premarital relationship did not last long (up to six months), then married life will almost always be short. Because this period is very important for establishing mutual understanding and equality in relationships. During the period of acquaintance, the necessary adjustment of partners and agreement on joint family values ​​and responsibilities occurs.

A woman’s premarital pregnancy is also a risk factor for marriage, especially for young people whose financial well-being rests on the shoulders of their parents.

In this case, it often turns out that the newlyweds are neither financially, psychologically nor emotionally ready to create family ties. The situation is aggravated by the appearance of a child, caring for which is quite hard work.

If young people who do not have children get divorced, then this indicates inadequate motivation for starting a marriage or the transience of the premarital period, which does not allow partners to fully understand all the value foundations of family life. Among the inadequate motives for marriage are the following:

• the desire of partners (or one of them) to live separately from their parents;
• avoiding conflicts and quarrels with parents;
• the girl’s excessive desire to find a protector and patron in the person of a partner, in this case love or emotional attachment fades into the background, the girl chooses a partner as a tool for ensuring security.

Household features

As a rule, these are the conditions for spouses to live together. The inability of one of the members of the newly formed family to provide or maintain the comfort and well-being of family life pushes the spouses to break off the relationship. Among the everyday problems we can highlight the following:

These factors have a negative impact on married life, leading to relationship breakdown.

Speaking about factors that destroy family ties, one cannot fail to mention those that reduce the chances of breaking up a marriage. One of these factors can be called a child. For young families, it can serve as a reason for divorce. But more mature people who are capable of thinking sensibly often try to resolve all family conflicts and problems peacefully for the sake of the well-being of the child.

Another factor that can preserve shaky family ties is financial insecurity. This factor is most often characteristic of women. Due to the uncertainty that they will be able to independently provide a decent living for themselves and their children, women often turn a blind eye to all sorts of family troubles.

Ways to save a family

Of course, all of the above is only part of the motives that push people to divorce. But psychologists say that there are very few marriages in which partners cannot be with each other at all. Therefore, if both spouses want this, then you can overcome any obstacles and cope with any problems.

To preserve family relationships, it is important to understand all the possible causes of family discord and find out how to overcome them.

This is not an easy process that requires considerable effort from both partners. But the reward for overcoming these difficulties will be a new harmonious relationship.

It would seem that the first years of marriage are the ideal time. The newlyweds enjoy each other and the new sensations that family gives. Where do quarrels and disagreements come from? However divorce in a young family a common occurrence.

The immortal classic noted very correctly: all families are unhappy in their own way. According to statistics, a third of marriages end in divorce. It is curious that young families are in the first place at risk. Not spouses who have been married for more than 10-15 years, but young couples with small children. Let's try to figure out what darkens the first years of married life.

Unjustified expectations

Most psychologists agree that, in addition to a number of factors, there is one global reason: broken illusions, or in other words, unjustified expectations. The roots of this problem are banal: young people get married at the peak of love, without getting to know each other well. Being in the grip of emotions, the couple turns a blind eye to the shortcomings in the relationship or does not notice them at all. Living together very quickly destroys illusions, and one day lovers appear before each other in all their real beauty. Is it possible to avoid this? Unfortunately, there is no clear answer to this question. Long courtship before marriage is not a panacea. After all, the main thing is the desire to get to know each other, and to know each other from different sides. If you cannot answer the question: “what are your partner’s shortcomings,” you should think about whether you are ready for marriage?

Top 5 reasons for divorce in a young family

Psychologists, based on sociological research, have identified the top 10 reasons that slowly and surely lead newlyweds to divorce.

1. Wrong goal setting. Many newlyweds cannot clearly answer the question: why did you get married? Or they call “fictitious” reasons and goals: to get away from the influence of parents, to become independent, to be the envy of friends, and the like. There are many such reasons and goals. A couple who decides to get married must clearly understand why they need it. Starting a family is a responsible step. Such a decision cannot be made under the influence of emotions or for fun. Because family is not entertainment, but daily work. Unpreparedness for this work is one of the main reasons for divorce in young families.
2. Everyday problems. In the 21st century, everyday problems do not seem something scary and difficult. However, this is also work. Daily and sometimes tiring. Unpreparedness for this work, laziness, and reluctance to change one’s way of life lead to misunderstandings and quarrels.
3. Financial difficulties. At all times, it was not easy for a young family. After all, youth is the time when you are just getting on your feet, taking your first steps in your career. At the same time, young people are characterized by ambition when they want everything at once. The inability to maintain a general budget and plan your expenses destroys any relationship. A huge number of desires (travel, leisure, shopping) cannot be satisfied without financial well-being. Therefore, in a young family that has not yet managed to get on its feet, financial problems are perceived especially acutely.
4. Birth of a child. They say that children strengthen a marriage. No matter how it is. The arrival of a new family member is always accompanied by trials. These include financial expenses, fatigue, and jealousy. A radical change in lifestyle and habits associated with the birth of a baby can bring discord into a young family.
5. negative influence of parents. Parents undoubtedly want the best for their children. But it’s not for nothing that they say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Parents feel more experienced and sincerely want to give good advice. But such advice brings a lot of disagreement to a young family who wants to learn from their mistakes. The teachings and instructions of the parents begin to irritate and the spouses quarrel. Parents should give more freedom to the young couple and give them the opportunity to gain their own experience.

Every young family may encounter these difficulties. And all of them can be overcome if there is a desire. Love, without a doubt, is very important, but no one promised that it would always be easy and simple. Take care of your family boat!

 

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