My wife has cooled down on me, what should I do? Cool relationship: if the wife does not want sex

Many men complain that their marital relationship has moved to another level over the years. If earlier the wife looked at her husband with adoration, met him from work and arranged a romantic evening together, now she is indifferently doing housework and does not pay any attention to her husband at all. The husband is jealous; it seems to him that his wife has a lover on the side. What to do if your wife has lost her temper?

Rethink your views on family life. Petty domestic disputes have ruined your relationship beyond recognition? Try talking to her about changing your family relationships. Perhaps your problem was created out of nowhere, and your wife doesn’t even think about cheating on you, but is simply tired of routine work? Help her with the housework, buy something she has long dreamed of.
Think about how to get your wife back. How to make your relationship the same? Organize your leisure time together. Take a walk together in the evening park, relax together in a restaurant. You should spend as much time as possible together. Visit exhibitions and theatre. Even if you don't really like it, your wife will appreciate the attention to her personality. Take an interest in her hobbies, support her in all her endeavors. For a woman, the attention and affection of her husband are much more valuable than any relationship on the side.
Tell her often how much you love her. She should bask in your love for her. Give your wife gifts, congratulate her on each new day with a gentle kiss on the cheek. A wife will never dare to leave a family where she is valued so highly.

My wife has another man

When the relationship has become tense and the spouse has found another man, this does not mean the collapse of family relationships. Does your wife love another man? If you really value your relationship and want to return your spouse to the family, prove to her that you have several advantages over your rival. Scandals and hysterics will not help here. You need to calmly talk to your wife about everything, without turning the conversation into another quarrel. Many men, in a fit of jealousy, insult their wives. Some even engage in assault. These actions will make your spouse cooler towards you even more. Be smarter. If your spouse does not intend to file for divorce, it means that she does not dare to leave the family. Most often, female infidelity occurs from a lack of attention from her husband. Give her all your free time, convince her that you value your family relationships, and your significant other will never look for a replacement for you.

Over the years, family life turns from a fairy tale into an everyday routine: work, home, work again. The circle closes, and such monotony makes life unbearable. As a result, this can alienate the spouses so much that their feelings begin to fade over time.

Where are these cute bouquets, endless conversations that arouse interest and force you not to take your eyes off your loved one, surprises, joint photos, trips to the theater or park?

Lack of interest and romance, lack of attention, understatement - these are the prerequisites for “disease”, and in some cases, destruction of even the strongest and most long-lasting relationships.

Signs that your wife has grown cold

Indifference
passivity,
discontent,
irritability,
bitterness,
depressive state

Most married couples suffer a so-called relationship crisis, and, unfortunately, the solution to such situations does not always have a happy ending.
Definitely, when such “symptoms” appear, you should comprehend and understand the problem. If you leave it to chance and do not maintain relationships at a sufficient level, then over time the feelings will dull and cool. If a wife is not so happy in her marriage, this does not mean that she has stopped loving her husband. She has feelings for him, but perhaps not as strong as before.

Why did the wife grow cold?

Boring and uninteresting

But this also happens. Family life at first seems varied and eventful: dinner after work, communication, watching TV together or meeting with friends.

However, such a daily schedule becomes tiring and boring after a certain time. The relationship between spouses is negatively affected by unvalued women's work, for example: in a situation with household chores and responsibilities, when any work - be it cleaning or preparing dinner - is taken for granted, and the answer is extremely rarely “thank you”. But everything is in your hands! Make changes and adjustments in your life: help your wife maintain order and cleanliness in the house, surprise her with her favorite dish, and even if you are not very strong in culinary abilities, offer your little help, because your presence nearby, and not at the TV, will already be talk about wanting to help.

Lack of attention

When a woman receives compliments, she blossoms, because such words from a loved one inspire, inspire and motivate her to improve, change and perfect her appearance. But in the absence of signs of attention, the wife becomes vulnerable, feels unnecessary, and inflates what is not really there. This also applies to the intimate side of family life.

Understatement

The ability not only to listen to each other, but also to hear is the guarantor of strong relationships. When a woman sees that she is not heard or understood, she becomes withdrawn because she does not feel reliable support and support. Words not spoken in a timely manner are an extra burden that will remind you of itself every day, and only a sincere conversation will ease it.

The grievances and omissions accumulated over the years will further aggravate the situation, and scandals and heightened clarification of relations will not lead to anything good. Talk to each other, don't avoid conversations and don't put them off for later! After all, it is better to immediately deal with the problem than to give it the opportunity to develop and destroy what can still be saved and protected.

Be an attentive and responsive listener and interlocutor.
Be sure to take care of your appearance. This applies to both wardrobe and sports, because such a man will always arouse the interest of his other half.

Show tenderness, care, patience, and sensitivity to your woman. Give her compliments and words of love. Let her know that you are made for each other, and then problems for your family will not be terrible.

Living with the woman you love side by side, realizing that she has stopped loving you, has grown cold, is not easy. There is always something to compare with. The memories of that bright time are vivid in your memory when she hung on you, when she kissed you, when she hugged you, when she chirped, when she waited impatiently. Now everything is in the past and it torments you. Well, fight and win your wife’s feelings again. You will have to fight for her, as you once did when you were just starting a relationship.

Remember, you have many advantages over other men whose wives have already left, who are divorced from the women they love, whose wives are cheating on them. Let these benefits give you confidence in your near bright future with your beloved spouse.

So, task No. 1 for you now is to find out the reasons why your wife has lost interest in you. A direct question addressed to the missus will not always be perceived normally by her. Don't expect a frank answer. There are women who love hints, understatement, and believe that you should understand them perfectly. You will have to use ingenuity, imagination, and analytical skills. It will be much easier if your wife is sincere and understanding, and honestly speaks about everything that is in her soul. Then you just need to discuss everything, hear her, make the lights sparkle in her eyes again, find compromises with her.

It is more difficult if the wife is a mysterious, secretive, obstinate lady. But you love her just like that, so seek her affection again. Analyze the latest events in your life. Remember when your wife began to change in her behavior and attitude towards you, what accompanied this, what events were happening in your life at that moment. Don't lose sight of all the smallest details. For example, even a meeting of your wife’s classmates can become a turning point in your life together. Suddenly, it was there that your wife met her first love and went crazy, remembering the past, and therefore lost interest in you. By the way, women are capable of strong platonic feelings. They can love a man most intensely with platonic love. At the same time, naturally, the wife grows cold towards her husband. A husband may naively believe that his wife is cheating on him, and she simply loves, but without a relationship with another man. Of course, this can also be called treason, rather moral, but for most men it will still not be considered treason or betrayal. But there is little pleasant in this, that your wife is not with you in heart and soul, although she does not cheat physically.

Perhaps your wife is going through certain difficulties in life, which is why she has become colder towards you. Perhaps she needs support. There is a possibility that your wife may have certain health problems that she does not like to talk about, especially this may be related to problems in the female area. Therefore, you should not indiscriminately assume that your wife has simply stopped loving you or is cheating on you. Look deeper. It’s better to become even more attentive and gentle with your wife, talk carefully about the cooling that has arisen, but don’t blame her for anything, don’t make any claims.

By the way, women often become depressed because they are unable to have children. And when their mood deteriorates, they have no time for their husbands. For men, the issue of childbearing is not as pressing as for women. Women are physiologically designed in such a way that they need to give birth before a certain age, otherwise there will be no happiness of motherhood in their lives. Pay attention to this too.

Be sensitive and attentive, and your wife’s coldness will be replaced by warmth.

I don’t love my husband - what should I do?

People who decide to get married are sure that they have found their other half and will be happy with their loved one until the end of their days. They are filled with hopes that their spouse will be their only life partner. However, in a family, things are often completely different. Some time after the wedding (a year, five, ten years), a woman begins to understand that the person she once loved has become annoying, angry, and his touch makes her feel uncomfortable, even unpleasant. Then the thought comes to mind: “I don’t love my husband anymore - what should I do, who is to blame and why did this happen?”

Why doesn't a wife love her husband?

There are several reasons why a wife stops loving her husband. Let's consider the main ones:

Very often, at an appointment with a psychologist, “I don’t like my husband” is said by women whose husbands suffer from alcoholism, drug addiction, or gambling addiction. Any love can be destroyed by a disrespectful attitude, constant drinking, spending money on drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. In addition, such a person always degrades, changes internally and externally. His interests and needs become different. Life with this spouse becomes simply unbearable over time; no normal woman can stand it.
Constant humiliation and insults can also cause love to fade away.
If a wife does not love her husband, then it is quite possible that he has “knocked it out” of her. Regular beatings will destroy even the strongest feelings.
The infidelity of a spouse is also the reason for the departure of love. A wife may say “I don’t love my husband after cheating,” but the man will sincerely not understand her. For him, physiological betrayal means nothing, but for her it means the collapse of love, betrayal, which is why she decides to end the relationship with the traitor.
A woman can simply fall in love with another person and, accordingly, stop loving her husband.
If a spouse rarely remembers his other half, does not touch her, does not kiss her, does not say pleasant words, does not give gifts, then over time the woman’s feelings will dull, pale before resentment and misunderstanding.

I don’t love my husband - divorce

Some women in family life wonder: I don’t like my husband, what should I do - get a divorce or stay with a disgusted person. Usually only women who are confident in their irresistibility and in themselves decide to divorce. They will never look back as they strive to build happiness. However, most ladies are afraid to be alone, without a man. They are not confident in their abilities, so they tolerate an unloved person next to them, just so as not to be left alone.

In any case, the woman must make the decision herself: to leave or not. However, she needs to understand all the consequences of the decision made. Divorce is quite often a rash choice made in a fit of emotion. And some wives, hesitating to leave because of the children, and after a few years they begin to blame them for the fact that they could not leave.

If a wife does not love her husband and finally decides to leave, then she must understand that she will have to overcome many not very pleasant trials: seeing how children who love their father suffer, she will have to live without a man for some time, coping with all the difficulties on her own. However, over time, the children will understand their mother, and new love will appear in life, and perhaps a family. Life will gradually improve and everything will stop being so tragic. It is much worse to live in unlove, dooming both yourself and your man to suffering.

The wife does not love her husband, but stays with him

The wife has lost interest in her husband, but does not dare to leave him, there may be several reasons for this:

Shared living space, property.
Pity for your spouse.
Afraid of being alone, without a man.
Financial dependence on a spouse.
Having children.

Most often, women do not leave because of children. Of course, a full-fledged family is very important for a child, but constant scandals and dissatisfaction with each other will deal an even greater blow to the child’s fragile psyche. In addition, the husband and wife subconsciously blame their children for their family failures. Children feel the mood of their parents very sensitively, so feelings of guilt can quickly take root in them, causing psychological harm.

All these nuances should be taken into account by a woman who is left with an unloved spouse. Having decided to be together, it is necessary to minimize scandals so as not to spoil the child’s childhood or even his whole life. But if the quarrels cannot be stopped, it is still worth deciding on a divorce.

And if you manage to live peacefully next to your unloved husband, then you should think about whether he is really indifferent. It is quite possible that resentment towards the other half reigns in the soul of the wife, but feelings still remain. In this case, you can still save the relationship and save the family.

Thinking about the question: I don’t love my husband and how to continue to live with him, a woman can choose a calm conversation in which she admits that her feelings for him have faded. The spouse will make a decision himself, or maybe just come to terms with this situation. Such marriages exist, and there are quite a few of them.

What to do if your wife has lost her temper?

Rethink your views on family life. Petty domestic disputes have ruined your relationship beyond recognition? Try talking to her about changing your family relationships. Perhaps your problem was created out of nowhere, and your wife doesn’t even think about cheating on you, but is simply tired of routine work? Help her with the housework, buy something she has long dreamed of.
Think about how to get your wife back. How to make your relationship the same? Organize your leisure time together. Take a walk together in the evening park, relax together in a restaurant. You should spend as much time as possible together. Visit exhibitions and theatre. Even if you don't really like it, your wife will appreciate the attention to her personality. Take an interest in her hobbies, support her in all her endeavors. For a woman, the attention and affection of her husband are much more valuable than any relationship on the side.
Tell her often how much you love her. She should bask in your love for her. Give your wife gifts, congratulate her on each new day with a gentle kiss on the cheek. A wife will never dare to leave a family where she is valued so highly.

My wife has another man

What to do if feelings for your husband have cooled?

Have you ever noticed that all movies about love end with a happy ending and that's it? Vows of love, a luxurious wedding and an amazing idyll. We are never shown what happens to the characters after the wedding. Because after the wedding, romance and harmony are replaced by everyday routine, which is of no interest to anyone. Unfortunately, this happens in almost every family and sooner or later we wonder how to return feelings that are no longer there.

A man's and a woman's view of family problems

When a man's love passes, he looks for it on the side, without thinking about the reasons. This is how men are built: they are not inclined to philosophize, to think about why certain situations happen. When they love, they are ready to move mountains for the woman they love; if there is no love, they do not need a woman. We are built completely differently. In addition to love in the family, a woman is supported by children, the household, the habit of a certain way of life and stability. Not every woman is ready to give up everything to start life over. And if there are any problems in family life, the woman will try to solve them.

Signs of cooling towards your husband

One of the problems that befalls almost all married couples is cooling towards each other. Moreover, this can happen either a year after the wedding or after 40 years of marriage. For a woman, cooling her feelings towards her husband is a serious, large-scale catastrophe. After all, only driven by feelings, a woman can turn a blind eye to some misdeeds, tolerate her husband’s infidelities and perform small daily feats. You can understand that a woman has lost interest in her husband by the following signs:

Indifference. Previously, you were jealous, constantly checked your spouse’s phone and pockets, and were wary of suspicious calls. Today it doesn’t seem to concern you. Changed? For God's sake…
Passivity. Just yesterday you were waiting for your husband to get home from work, preparing romantic dinners, buying erotic lingerie for him, and organizing small family celebrations on the weekends. Now for some reason I don’t want this.
Discontent. No matter what your spouse does, you are constantly unhappy. I nailed a nail in the wrong place, hung a towel in the wrong place, didn’t turn off the TV - the list of niggles can be endless.
Irritability. You start to break down and scream for any reason. Moreover, the cause of the breakdowns is not necessarily the husband. These could be children, girlfriends, colleagues.
Reluctance to be close. At the very beginning of your relationship, you could not enjoy each other, but today intimate life has turned into a marital duty, and your head began to hurt more and more often. To make matters worse, you began to think that betrayal is not far away.

But, as you can see, these signs are not the worst thing. What can happen between spouses. Therefore, having noticed such signs in yourself, it is better to understand their reasons in time in order to find a reasonable way to preserve relationships and family.

Why the wife lost interest in her husband: possible reasons

If a wife has lost interest in her husband, it means something has gone wrong in the relationship. Of course, it is impossible to write a script for married life in advance and therefore such obstacles may occur on the path of both partners. Cooling off towards your spouse does not mean that love has passed. There are feelings, perhaps not as strong and passionate as before. There may be several reasons for this:

monotonous and boring life, a daily routine that does not foreshadow any changes and, especially, surprises;
lack of attention from the husband, lack of pleasant words, declarations of love;
problems at work, because of which the husband takes out his mood on the household;
the birth of a child to whom the wife devotes herself;
being busy with work or other chores, due to which spouses have no time to pay attention to each other;
jealousy and suspicions of treason.

As already mentioned, if a wife has lost interest in her husband, this is not the end of the relationship. On the contrary, this is a signal that your life needs to be improved and changed.

Those who are not ready to give up and are ready to fight for their family and relationships are advised to listen to the following advice:

Accept your spouse as he is. Is he not as gentle and caring as he used to be? Think, maybe he just doesn’t have time for this. He works to give you a better life, he works for your family. Instead of dwelling on your hurt feelings, try to change your perspective on the situation. Give more attention to you. Show more care. Let your husband feel that he is welcome and loved at home. And you won’t notice how your loved one begins to reciprocate your feelings.
Remember everything that was good. It is this person who is next to you for a reason. A woman chooses her husband for his good qualities and actions. Every couple has good memories of the first meeting, the first kiss, and some funny moments. Revisit the emotions you felt while looking forward to the evening to go on a date with him.
Come up with new traditions. Forget that you need to spend your weekends at home, cuddled up in front of the TV. Go with your husband for a walk, on a trip, on a hike - it doesn’t matter. The main thing is to take a break from home, from the everyday life that eats you up.
Change. You expect some action from your husband, but what have you done to strengthen the relationship? You need to start with yourself, your appearance and behavior. Change your hairstyle, buy a new dress, your spouse will probably notice and appreciate it.
Miss each other. Remember how you missed him when you didn’t live together and you weren’t always able to meet. To get this feeling back, you need to break up for a while. Go on a business trip or visit a friend in another city. During this time, your loved one will understand how sad and lonely he is without you.

And don't try to think about bad things. There is no need to beat yourself up, saying that your husband has stopped loving you, that the marriage is ruined. How many women return to their husbands after his infidelity, and how many more endure alcoholics and rapists. A relationship crisis comes to every family, but not everyone copes with it. And there is always only one way out (and it doesn’t matter when the crisis comes a year later or after 40 years of marriage): start with yourself and give all the love and tenderness that is in your soul and heart.

Experts also assure that such problems can be overcome. There would be a desire and awareness of why this is needed. There is no need to save the family for the sake of the children or for other reasons. All the same, the problems will return later. But if there are feelings that have simply cooled down, undoubtedly, you need to work on the problem. Answering the question of what to do if a wife has lost interest in her husband, psychologists answer:

spend as much time together as possible;
talk to each other;
speak directly if you are not happy with something;
diversify your life, find something to do that distracts you from the problem;
diversify your sex life.

And we must remember that there are no ideal people. And you are not the person around whom the whole world should revolve. There is no need to be arrogant and too proud - more than one married couple has separated because of this. And even more so, there is no need to succumb to provocations or listen to the advice of so-called friends. The favorite advice of “girlfriends” is to find a lover who will add spice to the relationship. Having an affair on the side will add emptiness, feelings of guilt and self-contempt. Why look for consolation on the side if it is here, in your own family.

It’s always easy to give up on a relationship, quit, find another person, replace a wedge with a wedge. But time will pass, and the problems will repeat, only with another person. After all, it's all about ourselves. And marriage is a phenomenon that requires daily painstaking work. And those who do not want to do anything to preserve it, sooner or later remain alone. There is no need to be shy to love, to speak openly about your feelings. And remember that even after the most severe frosts, a thaw comes.

We are 30. We have been together for 8 years. A wonderful 5th daughter is growing up. My wife is basically just like a wife: she looks good, takes care of herself, cooks well, the house is in order. Works. But for a couple of years now I have been noticing a cooling towards me as a man. She REALLY LOVES TO SLEEP. Can't control himself. After work, she falls asleep at 10 pm, and it’s impossible to wake her up. Moreover, sometimes we give our daughter to my grandmother, I’m already looking forward to spending the evening in bed. Yes, the evening passes in bed, only in front of the TV watching a stupid series. And when I start to roll her over for sex, she says, let’s do it later, before bed (this is when she doesn’t pass out early). She became completely passive in terms of sex. I have to beg her to have sex, and when she finally agrees, I almost just lie down with my legs spread, like, well, take it. And in social life, we don’t go anywhere (clubs, bars) - she doesn’t want to, I suggested. We have guests very rarely - she doesn’t want to. We only go to visit our mother-in-law. I don’t want to have a mistress (I cheated on her a couple of times, I know what all these constant codes and feelings of guilt are), I love my family and don’t want to lose her. But I JUST CAN'T ANYMORE. I’m starting to think to myself, maybe I’m no good in bed, that she doesn’t want me. I suspect the existence of a lover, but knowing her passivity, I don’t 100% believe in this option. She has been taking birth control pills Janine for probably over a year now. She herself once admitted to me that there is practically no libido, that she simply does not want sex as such. I became very irritable, and I understand that such pickiness is purely due to the lack of a full sex life. Yesterday I told her everything that bothered me. He said that either she would change, or I would file for divorce. To which she said that she was not going to change and that it was impossible, and she considered divorce to be the only way out. I DON'T WANT TO LOSE my FAMILY, I DON'T WANT TO LOSE my DAUGHTER.

JANINE needs to drink less)) if she already has a weak libido, pills will completely reduce it to NO

and I think she’s happy with the effect of the pills)) make her twitch or something, that you’ll leave, get jealous, maybe she’ll move, the main thing is not to go too far

I also take pills and after 3 years I just don’t want sex. True, if I go on vacation for a week alone, the desire returns. Read the book “Man is from Mars, Woman is from Venus” - it says that it is very important for a woman to be listened to, she must be forced to speak. I myself noticed that even if my boyfriend just says “uh-huh”, this already brings us closer. Bring romance into your home even through “I don’t want to.” Remember what you were like in the very first days of meeting you, maybe you were in a suit, or with a sports figure.

Maybe switch to other methods of protection; the IUD may be an option in your case.

I absolutely confirm that Janine (and other OCs, probably) reduce libido to nothing 🙁 although I have a strong one by nature 🙁

She gets tired while she “cooks well and the house is in order.” Take charge of the household. I suspect that in a couple of days you will have difficulty crawling to the sofa and will understand your wife.

Vutymenno :) And my wife found out about the betrayal and she didn’t care at all. So at least there is no chance of contracting something from your beloved hubby :)

you and your wife have no dialogue at all. “I’m starting to think to myself, maybe I’m no good in bed, that she doesn’t want me.” Have you tried asking your wife?

however, the wife apparently already decided everything for herself. She doesn’t need you and there are more pros than cons for her in a divorce. she stopped seeing the meaning in family as such. What's the point of “looking good, cooking and maintaining order”, the role of an ideal wife disappointed her. She probably thinks that you are not the one she needs, since she chose divorce so easily. It's easier for her to get a divorce than to pretend that she wants you

I don’t want sex with my husband either, soon my mother-in-law will take my daughter for a month, we started renovations, and I’m already shaking. I'm afraid to say straight out that I don't want you.

You don’t have to talk about sex, but excite a woman so that she wants it. How to excite is another question. We need to do it on the sly somehow. But with tablets this is a real problem. They kill libido. If the husband himself is not an entertainer, then good luck.

Author, I have a similar situation in my family, I’m in your wife’s place. I don’t refuse sex, but I really want to refuse. The husband asks in bed: “do you want me”? It doesn’t dawn on me that I can’t just lie there and want. If I wanted to, I would have climbed in already. If you want, pester me. Find erogenous zones, make it pleasant. He doesn't know my body. For 3 years he did not have time to find them. Sex hurts me. Disgust. This is not sex - masturbation about my body. I recently talked to him again, but it seems there will be no point. In a couple of years the child will grow up and we will probably get a divorce. Because I live with a constant feeling of guilt for our inferior sex life. Although this is absolutely not my fault.

You need to change less, women can subconsciously feel the betrayal!

The fact is that everyone loses interest in sex after some time. Don’t make a problem out of it. Don’t feel guilty, get yourself a girlfriend. With her answer, your wife gave you carte blanche for this. Stay at home less, start taking care of yourself, come It’s too late, don’t rush to answer questions. Try these remedies first. In most cases it works. The wife begins to understand that she is not the only woman on earth. She is not going to be left alone with the child in any way. And you have made it too clear to her that became her forever. Women don’t like that. Don’t become a house chick. Be an eagle. Go out with friends, talk to girls. You’re too dependent on her. Over time, there’s a better chance of becoming henpecked. And this is the end. It’s better to be a man whom his wife appreciates, and not a rag with which she wipes her feet. Behave smartly and you will be happy. Let them feel that you are a man desired by women. He will immediately perk up. Things like a possible mistress quickly bring such wives to their senses. Dependence is the worst thing, it deprives a man of his masculinity , and a woman - femininity. And you will be to blame for this. Come on, go ahead. Self-respect is the main thing. If you don’t respect yourself, no one will respect you.

If you still have questions, come to the men for advice. website antiwomen.ru

This is a scam. No man will write - IN BED. Unless he's a complete imbecile. I suggest you ignore it.

why won't it write? He’ll write again and add it - sorry.

I had the same bullshit from Janine, I became incredibly lazy and sex became completely unnecessary for me. As soon as I gave it up, everything went away! Stop taking this crap.

making her jealous - well, it might work, but it's very dangerous. and don't ask for sex! Well, she doesn’t want to, wait 3 days, tease her, and don’t have sex yourself.

She won't give a fuck, damn it! He will say, do whatever you want, just don’t touch me.

The wife admitted to cheating: reasons, details, consequences

Difference between men and women

Statistics prove that men are more frivolous and cheat more often than the fair sex. For them this is not always significant and is regarded as a search for diversity, something new. How to react to the fact that your wife admitted to cheating? Girls are more emotional, change is difficult for them, precisely for these reasons - they try to save the family and are in no hurry to divulge the essence, the main details of infidelity. Modern society is based on gender equality, but still, there is an opinion that husbands are allowed more because of inconstancy, unwillingness to completely, once and for all, devote themselves to the family. Of course, adultery can destroy even the strongest family ties; the lady is afraid that she will be judged and is in no hurry to talk about what she has done. After betrayal, women conventionally take two paths:

repent, tell the truth to your loved one;
keep quiet and move on with your life

The choice made is determined only by the power of love, the desire to save the family nest. You need to clearly know that such a revelation can traumatize, cause disgust, and destroy to smithereens plans for a future life together.

Intended Behaviors

It is difficult to maintain calm, honor, and dignity in such a situation, considering that one wrong act can cross out and overshadow everything beautiful that came before it. What to do? – It’s easier to answer this question if you know specific examples:

In what cases is it necessary to confess?

Confession is inevitable only if the girl is very emotional and suspicious; she tries to spend more time with her family, but the feelings of guilt never leave her. Talking it out is the best way to calm yourself. It is necessary to understand that it is better to come to certain conclusions and tell your spouse about sexual contact with another man than for someone else to tell him about it, then you can’t hope for forgiveness at all.

What pushes you to cheat?

Representatives of the fair sex regard sex not only as physical satisfaction; sometimes, the following factors can prompt this:

if adultery was provoked by a large amount of alcohol consumed, perhaps there is no need to disclose this story to anyone, try to forget it yourself, but on the condition that further actions and the scope of what is permitted will be clearly regulated. It is worth considering those things that have a detrimental effect and, if possible, abandoning them, asking yourself the question: is alcohol or loved ones more important?
The midlife crisis makes adjustments not only to the lives of men, but also to women. She strives to fight complexes, aging, express and show her sexuality, this process occurs due to the attention of outside gentlemen;
When adultery is related to work (office romance), then you should immediately change it, find another occupation, so as not to encounter the seducer every day, not to become mentally obsessed, not to remind yourself of what happened, and, especially, not to tell anyone.
lack of attention. Experienced adults always advise holding off on getting married and not getting married at an early age. It is important to make sure that this is the person with whom you want to live in both sorrow and joy. Before walking down the aisle, goals and life values must be clearly formed. When people start building relationships, everything seems very sweet and cloudless: a lot of attention, gifts, but after marriage there is no such romantic atmosphere, which results in disappointment;
male dishonesty can push you to have sex on the side. This does not mean at all that the wife has not forgiven her husband or has lost interest in him. This is how vindictiveness manifests itself. It is foolish to consider this a way out of the situation; problems will only increase;
It’s hard for ladies to be alone; if the husband has a hard job, business trips, constant absence, indifference, then it is quite logical that women begin to look for missing qualities among their environment;
the simplest and most banal reason is sincere love for another person, because of this, families most often collapse, because in such an impulse, girls even run away from their lawful husbands.

Psychology of relationships

Representatives of the stronger sex are much less likely to go to their mistresses, but this happens to women much more often, if they find a boyfriend with clear advantages, they will most likely make a choice in his favor. There is no need to hold on to a marriage that does not bring anything good. Guys should not panic; there are jealous people who, without any good reason, begin to suspect their wives.

If cheating for men may well mean nothing, they simply succumb to temptation more easily, girls are rarely subject to fleeting attractions, they need a solid reason for cheating. Infidels most often include temperamental, emotional people; it is difficult for them to endure deep psychological pressure and stress, so they may find themselves in the arms of others, but will soon bitterly regret it.

How to recognize a cheater

It's easy to figure out when to change:

a woman’s life changes, there is practically no time left for outfits and hairstyles, if she suddenly began to spend all her time in front of the mirror, it means that someone inspired her to do this;
rapid changes in mood and behavior;
when your loved one is often late, comes home late;
does not share his plans, unanswered phone calls;
constant complaints, discontent, indifference;
outraged by the lack of attention, and she herself suspends any attempts at rapprochement;
ridicules actions, shortcomings;
the smell of someone else's perfume, physical injuries (abrasions, scratches, skin irritations);
regularly purchasing new sexy lingerie.

The most common mistake of a wife who has never confessed to her husband about her “exploits” is going from one extreme to another: she either doesn’t take care of the house or children at all, doesn’t devote time to her legal spouse, is in an irritable state, ignores important issues, or is aware his guilt and shows excess initiative in various matters. This position can be considered using the example of sexual life, when a woman either loses interest altogether, or herself offers to diversify actions, try some new positions, and becomes more demanding and liberated.

Is it possible to forgive betrayal?

It would seem that the answer is quite obvious and clearly no one will forgive “cuckolding”, but is it worth being so categorical if your life partner admitted that she cheated on you 10 years ago? There are different situations in life, it is not always possible to lay the blame on one of the parties; most likely, both are to blame. Examples of how to behave after the traitor has confessed to her actions:

listen, talk frankly, find out the reasons, try to let go of the offense, find a common compromise;
Children play one of the most important roles in the family, make decisions about the development of further relationships thoughtfully, in your right mind;
there is no need to beg to stay and push for pity, it is important to maintain self-esteem, if she wants to leave - do not hold back, find new hobbies, get distracted, and eventually find a worthy woman for yourself!

Levels of sexual evolution of personality

daffodils. People who are simply crazy about themselves, they are so narcissistic that they consider themselves better than everyone else, to a certain extent, they can be equated to children. As a rule, an overly selfish person does not see anything wrong with his own betrayals, because in this way he expresses his superior self. It is important to consider that it is useless to argue with such persons, and it is better to remain silent about treason. It is hardly possible to receive forgiveness, they will not listen to anything, they tend to dramatize, pretend to be a victim, and cannot stand blows to their pride;
genital. A sincere group of individuals who put honesty and respect first, they believe that the partner has every right to sexual satisfaction, the main thing is that the romances are not long-lasting and not characterized by a romantic mood.
The most dangerous ones on this list are selfish, narcissistic wives; they will not only admit to their own “mistakes,” but will also be able to turn them into advantages. This type is characterized by constant threats towards their partner, claims that there are people much more worthy, it should only be the way she wants or not at all. To tolerate such antics, you need to have “nerves of steel,” and what’s most unfair is that they don’t forgive betrayals, although they themselves use them as a method of manipulation, not realizing all the cruelty and absurdity of the situation.

It is very difficult to forgive, especially things like this, but it is even more difficult to let a person go. We need to carefully rethink everything, understand whether it is needed in life, test our own readiness to accept what happened, reject it, or leave it as it is. There are a lot of options, it’s not so important to make the right decision, but just to stay happy and maintain spiritual harmony and peace. Perhaps, if your favorite young lady admitted that she cheated 10 years ago, but at the same time she was there all the time and did not even think about leaving, then you can let go of the offense, forget the situation forever, leaving it in the past.

My wife suddenly cooled down and changed her attitude towards me.

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I recently created a topic, I think many remember.

So, I have, in my opinion, a terrible relationship with my husband. They say that many people live like this, but for some reason it’s all completely unbearable for me.

I think we need to break up. But! I understand that both are always involved in a relationship. And I always feel like there’s something I haven’t finished yet. Although lately I understand more and more that no matter how hard I try, the result I get is meager, and a lot of energy and nerves are wasted.

So this means: I go to a psychotherapist, I become more confident, this is a fact. With the advent of confidence, the thought of separation becomes more and more easily accepted, and the fear becomes less and less.

But this is the situation. That's why I asked about manipulation. Everything is fine as long as I do what my husband wants (in a word, when he feels good). As soon as I have problems in my relationship with him (something is unpleasant to me), the maximum he will do is me telling him: he needs to do it this way (but it’s not a fact, of course, that he will do it this way)! But since we have this all the time (whether in everyday life or in relationships with women, he doesn’t know how or what to do (he said it himself, and I can see it)), I began to understand that I had turned into a teacher in my time . And the teacher, as everyone knows, does not want her student (child) in the normal situation. So it is with us. The sex was good only at the beginning (until he took the position: order me, I will obey (literally). Then I said that we are not in the army, that I don’t want to order my man, etc.). Then we had sex often, but I didn’t really want to. More precisely, it was fading away, a showdown was coming. There were also demands from him that I still had to change in myself (and this continues to this day). When I explained to him that I didn’t want to teach him, because I wanted to want him, I was sent far and loud.

In general, due to his reluctance, there are no children. He also wastes money and earns mediocre money, let’s put it this way. I have problems with sex (I have problems with it). I can’t talk to him normally, it must be either “his way” or he raises his tone or yells. At the same time, with every quarrel, I hear that he doesn’t need me and he doesn’t care about the relationship, so divorce! After a while he leaves and says that it’s not a scam. There is no initiative on his part to maintain the relationship. Now he was waiting for me to go to a psychotherapist and everything would work out for us, and he shouted that there was no point, the money was wasted, that I had not changed. To the question: what are you changing? Answer: it’s all your fault, you got me. At the same time, he himself admits that I have changed in many ways and he feels much better. By the way, I’ll say that for the last few months I’ve honestly endured it; I’m never the first to start yelling. Moreover, several times during the conversation I ask him not to raise his tone. Sometimes I can’t restrain myself, and in the end I start yelling myself, but more often I leave and remain silent. No one comes after me, no one asks for forgiveness. She fell silent, we communicate, and ok.

On the good side: he earns money to rent an apartment, to eat and to dress. We go on vacation periodically. We only went once without saving money. It seems to me that the child would hardly have been taken care of (if I had gone on maternity leave). Sometimes he helps around the house. Wants me. Have a good time together - go for a walk, have fun. Sometimes it solves issues that I cannot solve - small ones (such as buying something if I’m slowing down or some actions that I’m afraid to do - but everything is small). Probably everything.

With my responsibility, I always think that I am somehow behaving differently, that I can change in some way and that it might be better, that I am responsible for this family. Overall, it seems like I can fix something. But it often seems like “like a fish on ice.” Moreover, taking into account all our material problems and what he does (he has already lost a considerable amount of money during our lives (9 years), it seems to me that he could then at least behave normally in the family, understanding that I forgive him for not being able to provide for his family properly. (For me this really wasn’t the most important thing, I was working normally when we started living together and our common budget would have given us the opportunity to buy an apartment over time, have children, etc. if everything had been organized smartly, but we did everything as he wanted. and lost a lot of money, time and nerves. it happened on a big scale twice already).

In general, how can I understand whether I did everything I could or whether I “didn’t finish it”?

Why do I need it? I don’t want to destroy if there is a chance to build (this is a life principle). I understand that with a new person we will have to build everything in a new way, but then why did I lose these 9 years if we didn’t build anything? In a word, I’m used to being responsible for what I do, and if I destroy it, then I understand for myself that I can’t do anything more and there’s no chance.

If anyone has any thoughts on this matter, I'd be happy to listen)

Married for 5 years, dating for 8.

This is my 1st marriage, my wife’s 2nd.

Now we have reached the point of divorce.

The relationship deteriorated a long time ago (my wife started it and made a lot of complaints against me and my parents), but somehow everything was leveled out.

For example: well, my father told her at the wedding, why don’t you have children, you’ve already fucked, you’ve had your fill, it’s time. What's wrong?

Or there were complaints that I told my mother about the wedding, even though she asked not to talk and my mother was not happy, but said, first pay off the loans, and then get married (there was no wedding like that, they celebrated it at my wife’s dacha with relatives, no need to spend money) .

There was a lot of other woman’s crap (he gave a vacuum cleaner for 25 years, didn’t want to get married, didn’t buy her a gift, but gave a gift to his colleagues at work himself (photo), told a friend everything about her (including intimate details), etc.)

During pregnancy, I worked until the end, and gave birth 2 days after going on maternity leave.

I did not work during her pregnancy, we lived on her money.

I couldn’t find a job, and I didn’t really look for it. I won’t get more than that anyway. She makes good money + rents out an apartment. We live in an apartment sold by her parents not far from them.

The birth took place at home, 2 weeks earlier.

And away we go, as they were discharged from the maternity hospital. I didn’t find it normal, where were the diapers, etc.

And I’m stressed, I treated the rat until the very end, and it died in my arms.

Well, I spent the money from the fluff on booze. My girl was sick for a long time, they literally pulled her out. And I had to do euthanasia.

And the wife got into trouble.

Nothing, big deal, my son was discharged without a photo or ribbons, wrapped in my scarf and sweater. Most importantly, healthy :)

I went and took the rasposhenki from a friend a few days later.

This is the situation now. I don't work, I sit with my son. My wife goes to the office 3 times + works from home.

I think everything is well arranged.

She is still breastfeeding, pumping and preparing complementary foods.

BUT! SHE IS FILED FOR DIVORCE!

Like, she’s tired of me, she doesn’t see her son, I don’t take care of my son, I’m of no use, I don’t work. All husbands have this, this, that. Again, woman's crap.

Enough for travel, we are going to Cyprus soon. We were in the Czech Republic and Malta.

What should I do? I want to see my son, but my wife obviously won’t let me communicate. Lately she's been calling me names for everything, spreading rot over little things, and she's hit me a couple of times.

Otmaza, I’m tired and have no strength, I’m breaking down, you’re driving me into the grave.

The only way for me to win back my son is to talk to her parents, she is afraid of her mother.

Let them straighten their brains.

I live with my parents, I have my own room, they provide for me. Everyone in my family treats me well. My parents tell me to study while I can, and no one demands anything about work. I study well - only straight A's. But, I’ll be honest, I don’t make much effort for this and I have enough time to rest. But I don’t want to work now because I don’t understand why I need it. I have time to work for the rest of my life and I want to enjoy life while I can. I have enough money for pocket expenses (cinema/drink/travel) from the scholarship and the change from the money my parents give me every day for lunch. Plus, full-time study combined with work is not a very good combination, which takes all my energy and time for rest and self-development (I run a public page on VK, study English and play the guitar).

But I feel enormous pressure from all females. Starting with my classmates, everyone tells me that I don’t work and therefore I’m not a man. They say that because of this I will never find a girlfriend. When they end up in a relationship, they either openly tell me that I don’t work and that I’m not a man, or they leave me about this after a while. For example, a past relationship that lasted 11 months ended with the girl “losing her feelings.” And it all started with her reproaches that I am not independent (= I don’t live separately) and I have no prospects. The previous ones ended in separation on the part of the girl for the same reason. Those that came before are absolutely the same. Of course, there were other reasons along with this one, but my “lack of independence” (= I don’t work + I don’t have an apartment) was always the main one. Moreover, reproaches about this do not appear immediately, but after 3-6 months of the relationship. In general, everyone abandons me because I have no prospects. But only girls think that I have no prospects. In fact, I have prospects because I study normally and then I will go to work normally. But girls need an apartment and a car right here and right now. Now I know someone who, under the influence of alcohol, behaves like my girlfriend and we sleep together, but as soon as she is sober, she periodically insults me, again about the fact that I don’t work.

In conclusion of the description of the problem, I will give a small explanation of the context of the situation: in principle, I have no male friends, because I don’t need them. Well, there is no such need. I am friends only with girls and with all of them friendship is based on the fact that I can get something from them related to m/f relationships (for example, hugs at a minimum), or I just like them a lot and have some hopes. As soon as this ends, the friendship disappears. Not a single girl is interesting to me as just a friend, just like not a single guy. The “find friends” advice doesn’t work for me either. I immediately say simply and directly - I don’t want to. I don’t want friends, period, I’m fine as is. I feel bad only without a relationship. Perhaps some will see another problem in all this (although I don’t see one), but within the framework of this topic I would not like to discuss it.

I would like to ask for your help in terms of how I can resist this pressure “go to work, otherwise you’re not a man.” It’s not that it upsets me or makes me depressed, but it’s often just unpleasant to hear from every friend that I don’t work = I’m a loser. Sometimes it builds up and becomes a little sad. Tell me how to respond to such people so that it does not harm my psyche, how to generally create a barrier against this pressure about work and remain cheerful, despite all these reproaches. With the caveat that the “find friends” option is not for me.

I never thought I would write something like this. But I feel that without outside help I will confuse myself even more. If someone reads my long story to the end and gives me advice on how to deal with this and let go, I would be very grateful.

I’m 25, he’s 28. We met 6 years ago and started dating almost immediately. He is a doctor, smart, well-read, with a sense of humor, has several hobbies, and knows several languages. A relationship began, everything was fine. With him I felt like I was behind a stone wall: super responsible, he would always help, he blew away specks of dust from me. This lasted for 2 years. Then, due to circumstances, we had to go to different countries, but we did not end our relationship. I studied, and then we planned to move in with him. But one day, like thunder from the sky, he declares that we need to separate. He is bisexual and has a man.

I was shocked. But not even because I was cheated on with a man. I have always treated same-sex love absolutely normally, or rather, it has never affected me. I said ok, I accept his decision. But at the same time, my man (I’ll call him M) was very worried, could not find a place for himself, rushed between me and that other one. Like, he couldn’t accept the fact of falling in love with a man. I continued to communicate with him. I couldn't leave him in that state. Then they separated. He came to me, asked for forgiveness, said that he could not live without me. This was all an initiative on his part. I listened, was ready to resume the relationship, but it didn’t go beyond conversations. Later it turned out that he developed neurosis due to all the events. They seem to have treated it.

So two years passed with our incomprehensible relationship. I continued to communicate with him, I loved him, of course, I understood that this was not normal. We must live for ourselves. When M and I met, he told me about his girlfriends who would like to be with him, but he refused them, saying he couldn’t be with them. Okay, that's his business. During this entire time, I never initiated or asked to renew the relationship, I simply maintained communication.

I would like to note that from the moment of moving, communication began to be characterized by ups and downs. Either he comes to me across the whole country, then he disappears. Sometimes he ignores it, sometimes he writes it himself. And I never understood the reason. In February last year, he wrote me a long message that he was deciding to stop communicating, it was unpleasant for him, he felt some kind of aggression and burden. Fine. Stopped. I realized that this was the end for me. Stop loving and suffering. It was very difficult, but I got out of emotional dependence. And as soon as I was “freed”, six months later, he appears.

He writes me a long and very sincere, very dated letter with very personal details from his childhood, which, most likely, no one knows. He asked for forgiveness and said that he understood how he treated me. How sorry he is. That he lost me and lost his happiness, that he only realized it now.

I was shocked. Did not expect. But, over time, we began a correspondence. Seems like a friendly one. Then we decided to meet for 3 days. It was an incredibly romantic vacation. It’s as if these two years of hell didn’t exist. It was as if the “HE” I was in love with had returned. We decided to resume our relationship, he apologized again. And he proposed to me. I was again in even greater shock. But I decided to agree, because if I refuse, of course, everything will end right now.

We started planning to move to another country with him. I didn't know the language. We agreed that I would move in with him in May. And the proposal was in October. Everything was very good, I relaxed again. There were conversations - family, children, plans. Work, etc. But for the first time, it was as if a “worm” appeared in my soul, which increasingly sowed doubts in me. There were conversations, but no further actions. I tried to find a job, but as it turned out, without the appropriate documents it is very difficult. A signature or stamp on the passport would help resolve the situation. I hinted to him, they say, it’s difficult, let’s sign earlier. He avoided answering. The situation was further complicated by the fact that we both had our own problems at the same time. At my place of work, at his place with a friend (as it turned out, in love with my man). This February I went to visit him for 2 weeks.

Everything was fine, but because of his problems (at work), my M became cold, secretive, and did not even hug me. We had sex 2 times in 2 weeks. We didn’t meet his friends, didn’t go to visit. We only went a few times to see other cities. The rest of the time he was at work. When he came home, he seemed to be with me, but he seemed to be completely himself. I have left. He wrote that he felt better after I left. And then all hell broke loose. He began to disappear, communicate with me more rudely, I did not understand what was happening. I didn’t understand whether we were together or not. What to do about moving and in general. I almost quit my job and rented out my apartment. I tried to find out from him that I was completely ignored, and if he did get in touch, I felt like a favor and irritated. This was the limit. I realized that I had to break up. And she was almost ready to tell him that nothing would work out that way. But he got ahead of me. He wrote me a long message saying that he realized that he no longer loved me, that he was afraid to admit it to himself. He asked for forgiveness for everything, wished him all the best and said that it was as if he had freed himself and spread his wings. He felt better after breaking up with me. He himself doesn’t know what he wants, he loves me as a person and will and wants to remember me. And he forgives me for unjustified expectations (I didn’t even know about them, we didn’t discuss it, because there was no doubt that our goals in life and, accordingly, our expectations were the same).

Apparently, I felt it and was ready for it. I also felt better. Because this hell is over. I sent him a package with some of our things and a letter, where I thanked him for his experience and said that this is not the way to treat people. Of course, I didn’t receive an answer. And it didn’t really sting.

And here I sit now. calm, never cried. But I'm very angry with him. I read various articles on the Internet and found something that shocked me and explained everything, as it seems to me. All his behavior. Articles about daffodils. Almost everything matches. 90%. The only thing that scares me is that they write that they are cold-blooded, heartless manipulators. But this one was so sincere, he believed and trusted me, it was clear. He opened up as much as he could. Or is this my self-deception? I accepted the fact that I don’t want and won’t return him, the relationship is over and impossible.

But I’m afraid that if he returns again (?), under the influx of another letter or confession, I may agree to communicate. And anyway, is he a narcissist? There are a lot of coincidences, I described the story very briefly, if you write about all the details, the book will work. How to start a new relationship? I don't like anyone. Or maybe I’m meeting the wrong people in the wrong places. How to avoid falling for a narcissist again? And stop thinking about him and being nostalgic? He is constantly in his head: what he is doing, where he is, memories from the past.

I'm not a victim, that is. I don’t feel sorry for myself and don’t cry into my heart, I have a great job, I’m planning to move to another city (every street here reminds me of it), I want to get a cat, I have friends, I travel, dance, read. I'm fine. But during this time I became more closed, demanding, I achieved something myself, and I want my partner in the future to also match. Are these adequate requests? Perhaps I have turned into a narcissist myself? I'm not looking for a prince. But yes. I want a man to have a good job, a hobby, speak languages (I myself know 3 foreign languages), he respects me, to be a partner in life, I don’t want to sit on his neck, but at the same time, for him to be my support in difficult times minutes. Just like me for him.

It’s good for me to be alone, but I’m afraid that I won’t be able to find anyone and where can I meet anyone? Don't hang a sticker on your forehead. And how, how not to compare your ex later, not to remember him. I feel sorry for him. After reading a book about narcissists, I felt sorry for him. It's a pity. Although I understand that it is impossible to cure and save him.

One of the most unpleasant phenomena in family life is to see your significant other lose interest in your spouse. And although men usually do not complain about their wife’s inattention and lack of signs of love from her, they try in various ways to find out how to return their wife’s love and restore smooth, good relationships in the family.

Why a woman's love can fade away

No matter how attached a woman is to her husband, there are some things that lead to the fading of her romantic feelings and passion. To return your wife's love, you need to know what led to the discord and eliminate the cause.

You need to understand that passion fades over time, and this is completely normal. In the normal development of family relationships, hot love is replaced by tenderness, responsibility for each other, and friendly participation. But some circumstances lead to the fact that love leaves, but nothing appears to replace it in the soul and heart of a woman.

Here are some of these circumstances:

Ordinary inattention of the husband. Yes, everyone gets tired at work, few people want to listen to the problems of others at home instead of relaxing, show participation, delve into the conversation instead of watching an evening movie. But lack of attention and understanding leads to mutual inattention, and then to indifference. Therefore, you should find time for a sincere conversation with your wife, despite your own fatigue. Women are sensitive to when their husband is exhausted, and are very grateful to him for this small sacrifice.
Coarseness. The easiest way is to brush your wife off, take out your anger and dissatisfaction on her, yell at her, push her away when you’re not in the mood, when everything is annoying. But this is fraught with a serious deterioration in marital relations. Some women explode immediately and react sharply negatively to such behavior from their husbands. Some endure and accumulate resentment gradually, and then in an instant break off all relations with their rude spouse. You shouldn’t check what type your wife is; it’s better to adjust your own behavior in the family.
Lack of care. If a wife carries huge bags of groceries from the market or supermarket, negotiates car repairs or cleaning sewer pipes herself, saves up for a vacation for the whole family and pays for it, independently provides the children they need with everything they need, then gradually she develops a complete rejection of her husband. In fact, what does a self-sufficient woman need a husband for? Marriage is a mutually beneficial cooperation between two people, and not one spouse pulling out the other spouse and children. Even if the wife copes with everything perfectly on her own, she still needs help. Otherwise, sooner or later she will throw off the ballast in the form of a spouse and begin to live easier and simpler.
Lack of common interests. If spouses like different films, books, music, different ways to relax, then they gradually move away from each other. To get closer again, you need to find a common cause. This could be a joint trip to pick mushrooms, renovation of an apartment together, or arrangement of a summer house. But when such a crisis develops in a family, one should refrain from having a child. It happens that a man adjusts his wife’s pregnancy by substituting contraceptives. This is a grave mistake. It is a mistake to believe that a child holds a family together. The burden of problems that falls on spouses immediately after childbirth can completely separate husband and wife and ruin the marriage. And then - the appearance of a child as “cement” for a cracked family building is extremely selfish. Therefore, having a child in order to tie your wife is one of the worst decisions you can make.

What can you do to improve your relationship?

Women are more talkative than men. And no matter how much you sometimes want to be silent in the evening, it’s worth talking to your wife for at least a quarter of an hour. During such conversations, nuances may emerge, “the first signs”, because of which the marriage can stagger and collapse over time. Or it may turn out that more effective help is needed if the wife has problems with her health, with relatives, or with work. But it is impossible to understand this without conversation.

Every woman has her own burden of grievances. We need to help her free herself from him, otherwise the grievances will begin to eat away at her soul and destroy the marriage. You should not ask your spouse about what upset or offended her immediately after a quarrel. But after time, when the visible signs of the disorder go away, you should ask your wife and try to find words for reconciliation. If your spouse says unpleasant things, expresses dissatisfaction, there is no need to dispute her words or make excuses; it would be much better and more productive to ask what ways she sees to solve the problem.

They say that women remember the flowers longest that were not given. Therefore, do not forget to congratulate your wife on holidays and memorable dates - wedding day, first date, engagement day and others, not to mention her birthday, March 8, New Year's holiday. Even an inexpensive gift will bring joy to a woman and evoke a warm response in her soul. A simple chocolate bar or a bouquet of seasonal flowers for no reason will lift even the worst mood for your wife.

For a woman, regardless of age, romance is important. It is usually enough only in the first years of marriage. And then life becomes gray and routine, everyday life eats up the spouses and leads to the fact that they become bored with each other. Therefore, you need to find time and visit theaters, cinemas, restaurants with your wife, go hiking, and travel. This will help add variety to the consistently boring course of family life. But if you do this with a bored look and an expression of great favor on your face, then such variety will not bring joy to anyone.

Women love compliments and are sensitive to praise. It’s not at all difficult to note a wife’s successful haircut, a well-fitting dress and praise the delicious borscht or lush pie.

The best way to prove your love is to act, and not just talk. Helping around the house, keeping things in good working order on your own or with the help of hired specialists, participating in organizing leisure and recreation, and providing for your family are the best evidence of love for your family and a caring attitude towards it.

In some cases, it will be very useful to separate for a while, for example, spend a vacation, part of it, or at least a weekend separately. In separation, feelings are tested, if, of course, they are preserved. The ideal time of separation for spouses at the cooling stage of a relationship is about a week. In 5-7 days, the spouses will have time to think about the current situation, miss each other, and think over their course of action for the future.

Also, a joint visit to a psychologist or family counselor usually gives a good result. Perhaps the wife has been considering this option for a long time, but does not know how to offer it. For some reason, men are afraid of something and do not want to go to a psychologist to solve their problems. They prefer to get bogged down in problems, but do not want to reveal the circumstances of their personal lives to strangers. Inviting your wife to visit a consultant together will pleasantly surprise her. She will regard this as a sincere and serious interest in saving the marriage. You can come to the first session without life and meet a psychologist. Then contact with him will be more stable. It happens that, on the contrary, a woman does not want to “wash dirty laundry in public.” Then the husband should go to counseling himself and find out how to improve his relationship with his wife.

If nothing helps, the relationship deteriorates and there is no chance of recovery, then you should get a divorce. It is better to live separately, see your children by agreement, than spend years of your life coexisting with a stranger under the same roof and raising nervous children burdened with complexes of an unhappy childhood.

Hello dear forum users!
In general, the problem is the following...
We have been married for almost 10 years, our son is 5.5 years old, I am 30 and she is 36. We got married out of a mutual feeling of love! We started living, gave birth to a son... everything was fine! Well, of course, not without conflicts, quarrels and showdowns! Of course they shouted at each other... she explained everything to me that there was no need to swear and quarrel so much, that we needed to solve problems more calmly... I didn’t hear her (and now I really regret it...) She told me many times that she is lonely in a relationship with me! (I probably had some kind of addiction - computer games. I sat for half the night. There was affection, care... in general, it turns out that we had everything great!
In June of this year I started taking a couple of weeks off... she was working. I didn’t want to go anywhere without her (since we’re from the South), I’m not interested in a vacation without her! But the reason for the trip was my son, who had to be taken to his grandparents for the summer. My son and I got together... my wife paid for the entire trip (!) by air (it wasn’t cheap, taking into account my return flight). While I was relaxing at sea, I missed her VERY! He sent me photos of my son and I relaxing and everything like that! We called each other often.
Upon returning from the south, I immediately felt that something was wrong! She began to behave calmly, and irritability appeared towards me. At first I couldn't understand what was happening. But then, after a short period of time, everything began to manifest itself... She began to communicate very closely with her ex-friend (at that time this friend was still the wife of a man with whom we had a very strong fight, and our families had not communicated for several years). But a friend’s family life began to crack, her husband began to communicate with another... and the friend turned to my wife for help (I didn’t know about this that they were communicating, because my wife knew perfectly well that I didn’t want to know them anymore and That’s why she hid communication with her from me!). This friend, as my wife told me, wanted to kill herself because of unhappy love, but etc. and so on. My wife began to help her morally in every possible way! As a result, a different life began for us! ((((
My wife started going out at night with her friend... and only on weekends! And as far as I know, it’s her friend who is attracted to her, and her wife doesn’t refuse her (she only refuses when I’m at home on weekends). Either clubs, or just sitting and chatting with a friend... I have a shift job (tough schedule, every other day ). This means that while I am away for 24 hours on weekends, she calmly puts her son to bed and goes for a walk until the morning! Our son sleeps soundly with us! Naturally, I found out about this... I started checking on her, went to the club where she was relaxing one day (they just told me where she was exactly) and observed her behavior from the side... how she reacted to tackles from guys... nothing criminal. I didn't see it! (I AM 100% SURE THAT AT THAT MOMENT SHE DIDN’T KNOW THAT I WAS ALSO IN THE CLUB!!!) Everyone who didn’t approach her with an acquaintance apparently recovered by the well-known 3 letters!))) But then I was stupid and gave myself away. .. to which I immediately got hysterical... you watch, you’re tired, there’s a divorce, and so on! Naturally, I explained my presence in the club, concern about our lives, anxiety... well, it seemed to be hushed up... The next morning I find out that she has a SECOND phone!!! (They also told me about this! Who told me?? At that time, the person with whom his wife’s friend lived... they vacationed together in company many times... but it started more often when I was in the south! I won’t talk about that friend’s boyfriend ... I’ll put it simply... although he helped me in some way, he turned out to be a very vile person and became the reason for her friend’s divorce... that’s a different story!) I found a phone in the car... there are calls back with cam- then Mishami, Andrei, etc. and so on. And all calls on weekends (Fri, Sat). When asked where the phone was from, she tried to assure me that it was a friend... but the facts told a different story! In general, she finally admitted that the phone number was hers, she registered on a dating site, and talked there, called on the phone, said that she didn’t have anyone, just chatting, flirting! Which I didn’t believe right away! But the facts confirm this! And my checks! She said that she was tired of pretending, she wanted a divorce... that she consciously went through with it all (website, phone). I was stunned! The next day I gave her gold earrings and a bouquet of roses! We talked for a long time, she still stood her ground about the divorce, but I was able to turn the situation around! I told her and promised to change myself... and I started doing it, went in for sports, pumped myself up... in general, I started doing everything that I hadn’t done before, when it was necessary!!! (in everyday life, help...)
After almost six months, we are just living (((there is also no affection, care, or kind word on her part... I try to spend more time with her, she is absolutely not against it! She shares all my suggestions for a joint vacation! Everything seems to be fine ... but there is a lot of coldness... when asked why, she answers that I made her like this throughout my entire family life! She says that when she wanted a normal good relationship, I didn’t want that! But during all that time I don’t remember that I grew cold to her! There was no such thing! I irritate her greatly... with almost everyone! Naturally, she continues to go out on weekends and deceives me that she has not been anywhere! (I know that she is going out! There is an opportunity to check!)
Yes, I forgot to say... everything is wonderful in sex... but lately she has been having problems... I don’t want to, I’m tired! But if I insist, he doesn’t mind, but reluctantly! It’s clear from her that she doesn’t want to... but it happens the other way around, that everything is simply gorgeous...
To summarize, I will say this:
Do I trust my wife? Yes! I trust! Because I checked! (but this was not only when I was at the club... there were also checks after)
Tell me how to live and behave with my wife in such a situation??? What to do?? How to fix everything?
I still think that if I didn’t want to improve the relationship, I would have left already! She was ready for this, I stopped and changed my life and attitude towards her and life! She says what she wants, but she’s very tired... She needs time...
Yes, I understand that it’s possible that I brought it all to this point! Yes, I understand that I should have thought earlier!
Now I’ll answer a few questions right away... the son sleeps at home, and she goes for walks! Yes, I am against this, but to my words I hear only indifference in response!!
Why don't I quit? Because I love! And I don’t want to lose my son! He needs me now at his age!
How long will I endure this? Honestly, I don’t know myself... sometimes I just give up... but I can’t give up! I promised myself!
Help whoever can! I will answer any questions! I'm desperate...
Thanks to all!

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