Why doesn't the girl who likes me like me? What women don’t like in men, and what to do about it #3 Bad figure.

When a guy can’t find a girl for a long time, and all his attempts to meet him end in failure, he begins to ask himself the question: “Why don’t girls like me?” After all, it’s obvious that if there are only guys and you’re sitting alone, you have a problem.

And indeed, many guys have problems with girls because of their lack of understanding of simple and banal things that other guys pick up on the fly. And now we will tell you these things, and you will finally be able to receive positive attention from them. And it’s as simple as shelling pears, you can definitely change everything.

What girls like and don't like

At every age, girls love and appreciate guys of a certain category, and they treat all others without much enthusiasm and interest. Those. if you don't fit into the "desirable guy" box, you're missing out on a huge number of potential girls. And what do these frames look like:

Ages 15 to 18 girls are fans of this category of rebels and boors who most often manifest themselves in the subculture, i.e. these are guys who go against the system and don’t want to be “good and calm”; at this age they get most of the girls. They don't like nice guys at that age.

For example, during perestroika, the category of bad guys included “boys” and bandits. 10 years ago, bad guys were most often rappers, 5 years ago these guys were non-formers, and now they are fans of the modern genre. Those. tastes change, but the general meaning remains the same.

Ages 18 to 22 girls try to “experience” their whole life, so they rush to guys who can organize a holiday for them every day: parties, clubs, trips to nature, get-togethers, etc. What is most often valued in guys is the ability to organize something, as well as the availability of money (or a way to get money) and transportation (a car). They don't like boring and simple guys.

Do you still want to dislike girls?

Now you know the type of guy that most girls are looking for at one age or another, and you also know the traits by which girls select men for themselves. And since you know everything, you can “pump up” to these parameters.

The question “why don’t girls like me” arises among young people starting from the fifth grade. There are several nuances here. Firstly, girls of different ages value different qualities in men. Thus, girls in middle school treat bullies with childish contempt, and they begin to evaluate them only in high school. Secondly, very often a young man decides for himself that “girls don’t like me” only because the only lady who was the most popular or beautiful at school or university did not pay attention to him.

Another question is whether you really need the most popular girl. And finally, you cannot like all female objects at the same time: dads, as an ideal, are different for all girls, and so are their favorite actors and musicians. But there are obvious things. So, what do girls not like about guys?

Men are too soft

A tactful, flexible guy is not a bad thing at all. Over time, women begin to appreciate men's kindness. But for some reason young ladies perceive this as a vice. They consider determined and impudent guys with a steely gaze, a strong-willed chin and commanding intonations in their voices to be real men. No, the ladies will be happy to communicate with you, share their girlish sorrows, and take you to the movies. But to see you only as a friend. This has one advantage: if you work on yourself, you will be appreciated. In the meantime, accept the fact that young ladies are very superficial and sometimes heartless.

Closed and uncommunicative guys

So. Ladies need to be entertained, captivated and attracted by this. And she will be bored if you cannot carry on a conversation or joke on the topic.

And this behavior is also deadly for a girl’s self-esteem. Intellectually, she understands that the problem is with you, but there will still be a worm inside: what if I’m not interesting enough and he doesn’t like me?

Rude guys

Boorish, impudent, trying to tease and humiliate. No, women of any age don’t like people like that. You are trying to appear strong, but such behavior completely betrays powerlessness and an attempt to assert oneself at the expense of the lady. This is simply not masculine behavior!

Excessive critics

What girls like most about guys is their negative attitude towards the whole world. Are you trying to find a fly in the ointment even where there is none? Then don't wonder what to do if girls don't like me. If you don't like everything around you, will girls think that you don't like them either? Why hang out with a misogynist? They're just uncomfortable with you!

The same goes for men who constantly complain. Even mothers have a hard time putting up with them. Complaints and negativity, if they are permanent, are generally perceived as energy vampirism. After communicating with you, a woman will take a long time to put her inner world in order in order to understand that everything is not as terrible in the world as you whine. What to do? Yes, just write down all your sorrows in a special notebook. But don’t pour it into beautiful women’s ears.

Men are too passive

This horse and knight must climb to the maiden at least to the ninth floor of the castle. But not the maiden from her castle. Ladies need to be won. And this is the simplest answer to the question of how to start liking girls. Just be a conqueror and provider.

Bores

And men who are boring. Girls are drawn, as many centuries ago, to those whose horizons are broader than theirs. There are several types of bores, but women pathologically dislike all of them.

Those who don't love themselves

If you are sure that you are insignificant, then why should others think otherwise. Between you, who doesn’t love yourself, and a slightly narcissistic character, the woman is more likely to choose the second option. It will take a long time to learn to love yourself, but self-confidence, backed up by something, can be developed.

Confident that they are owed everything

Women are confident that such people will not give in a relationship.

How to learn to please girls

Here you can say a lot of banal things about appearance, purpose and inner fulfillment. Let me tell you a little secret first. All girls work on themselves and their appearance as well. And we are sincerely surprised by the fact that men do not consider it necessary to do this. I personally have very poor coordination, and I have been trying to correct this since childhood.

And it’s sincerely surprising when a young man with poor coordination brings borscht into the room and splashes it all over the apartment. When I asked if he tried to fix it, the man was surprised: why? These are specific, but everyone has something to work on: their figure, their outlook, acne on their skin. But it’s better to focus on your strengths. Look for them in yourself and write them down. And just know that you have them. But let's focus on two particulars.

First. A woman loves with her ears

Even if you are small, homely and poor, beautiful speech will make you popular with the fair sex. So, let's train our speech.

Practice daily in front of the mirror. Read poetry or long texts slowly, placing your palm on the diaphragm. The sound should be generated precisely under it.

The second option is more hardcore. Read the same verses while lying on the floor and placing the encyclopedia on the diaphragm. Then you can read it at night instead of another shooter. It will also help correct your posture.

There is another exercise for posture. We bring our palms together behind our backs in namaste and walk back and forth for about 20 minutes every day.

Developing speech technique

To do this, we turn on a good movie and repeat the dialogues intonationally, without uttering a word. Only la-la-la, but with the same intonations as the actor. Watch the speed of his speech, how the volume of his speech rises and falls, logical stresses, timbre, breathing, pause placement. You can record your speech on a voice recorder.

Learn to intrigue

The understatement and mystery are interesting. You can start a sentence and not finish it, or promise to tell it later.

Compliments

This is generally the main key to a woman’s heart. It should not be banal or touch on feminine charms. If you directly tell a girl that she has a beautiful butt, she will not be offended, but she will understand that you only need one thing from her. Find in a woman what really makes her stand out and tell her about it.

Develop a sense of humor

Humor is what girls like most about guys. Have you ever wondered why famous comedians, even the most unattractive ones, always have a lot of fans? That's it. And this can also be developed.

Let's start with something simple. Learn to look for the funny in everything you see. Well, except for really tragic situations. The second important skill is to compare different facts so that it looks funny. Moreover, you can joke in situations that are unpleasant for you.

Talk to people who have a sense of humor. Even if you are not a very funny person, you can joke with them and find the funny in any situation.

Don't be shy to laugh at yourself. This will help create a fun atmosphere around you that attracts girls.

Collect jokes. Not only from the Internet, but also heard in real life. Well, read the classics of humor, and not just new jokes on the Internet. Remember and figure out where it can be applied. Over time, you will learn to come up with jokes yourself. And then it’s not far from participating in comedy shows. But its participants have everything in order with their personal lives, even if their appearance leaves much to be desired.

I regularly receive questions that guys usually address to the universe, but since feedback from it is often flaccid, Vintovkina will do: “Why doesn’t anyone love me?” and any variations on the theme (“Why does everyone have girlfriends, but I don’t?”, “Why don’t they pay attention to me?”, “Why can’t I start a relationship with anyone?”, etc.) And each Since it’s difficult for me, it’s damn hard to find the right words to, on the one hand, encourage the questioner (because sometimes you really just need to wait). And on the other hand, force him to look at the objective reasons/habits/characteristics that prevent him from establishing an intergender dialogue.

In order to save myself, and at the same time them, from suffering, I decided to collect the most common answers in one post:

1. Because you're too soft

I don't think that being sensitive, shy, tactful, prudent and obedient is bad. But this is exactly what young maidens usually think. And the younger a girl is, the more importance, as a rule, she attaches to the textbook attributes of masculinity (decisiveness bordering on impudence, commanding intonations in her voice, a steely gaze, a strong-willed chin, and the list goes on). To look and immediately understand: in front of you is not just a male creature, but a male, and a clearly dominant one. And qualities that are on the opposite pole are often interpreted*, on the contrary, as a sign of weakness and lack of self-confidence. And such tremulous, not quite (or not at all) male gentlemen usually turn out to be suitable as girlfriends with whom you can chat at the movies, but somehow you don’t want to look at them without panties, thank you.

*Of course, such an approach from the point of view of humanism (and an adult woman like me) is cruel, superficial, even stupid. But young girls are often just like that - superficial, stereotypically thinking and, frankly, heartless creatures.

2. Because you're introverted

There is no greater torture than dating a guy who can’t put two words together, looks at you sideways and from under his brows, as if you made a stuffed animal of his favorite dachshund, and answers every question as if his every “Ummm...” will certainly be used against him. Firstly, because the girl usually tunes in to the fact that it her will entertain and captivate. And when in the end she herself is forced to carry out the entire conversation and act as an animator, it’s, frankly, a bummer. Secondly, a society of silent people is always a big test for women's self-esteem. In her head, she may understand that the problem is not in her, but in you (and the fact that, hanging out for days/weeks/months on some social network, you have simply lost the habit - or maybe never knew how - to communicate in real life). But somewhere deep inside, a worm of doubt is still stirring: what if you are actually charming and eloquent, but you behave this way with her because you simply don’t like her enough? And women, whatever one may say, prefer the company of someone who is crazy about them. And he doesn't hide it.

3. Because you're rude

Including and especially towards girls. You are rude to them, insolent, teasing and simply trying to humiliate them at every opportunity. The person who convinced you that women love to be mixed with dirt should have their testicles cut off. Take my word for it: they don’t like it. Maybe at first some of my gender sisters find this charmingly eccentric and even exciting. But then the realization certainly comes that you behave this way not from an excess of strength, but, on the contrary, from powerlessness.

4. Because you criticize

The ability to look for a spoonful of something foul-smelling and inedible in everything (“Pretty? That means she’s probably a fool or a slut,” “Was the salary increased by 10%? Well, prices rose by 20,” etc.), in principle, useful in life skill. It is known: the less you wait, the less disappointed you will be in the end. But this skill is good only for its owner. Everyone else (including girls) sooner or later becomes uncomfortable in the company of such negative people. As they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But there is no one willing to give a chance to a guy who clearly has “vision problems.”

5. Because you complain

Nobody likes whiners. And even the mothers of whiners, who are supposed to console them, stroke their curls and whisper “everything will be fine”, while doing all this, they think to themselves, damn, how much can you do, but in the end, get yourself together! If you are so unbearable and absolutely need to pour out your suffering somewhere, get yourself a small book and write down all your troubles and misfortunes in it. And girls don’t want to hear at all about how the weather is rubbish, the neighbors are annoying with their renovations, the parents are out of their minds, the last season of “Game of Thrones” is boring, and so on, in the same minor key. And if you expect that a girl will rush to convince you and prove that life is really beautiful and amazing, then it’s in vain. Rather, she will rush into the arms of someone who is not so sensitive to the imperfections of this world.

6. Because you are passive

In the most primitive, absolutely heterosexual sense. Men who live by the principle “They will come and offer everything themselves” usually naively believe that this rule also applies to women. And if his threshold is still not visited by beautiful virgins who are ready for anything, then this is a temporary phenomenon. You just need to get comfortable on the couch, make sure the doorbell works, and wait. Alas, this is not true. Women, like a hundred years ago, wait, hope and believe that they will be conquered. And even in our harsh metrosexual age, for one person like you, there are a dozen hereditary “breadwinners”.

7. Because you're boring

Let's take an objective look at the situation. What, besides study/work, TV series and social networks, is your life filled with? Are you even really good at anything? Are you able to talk about something with sparkling eyes for more than 15 minutes? Yes, even about the etymology of Russian obscenities or the difference between Romanian and Belgian porn. How often, when communicating with you, do people say: “Oh, cool!”, “Nice!”, “I never would have thought of that!” etc. Women have always been drawn - and will continue to do so - to those who know, can, and have seen more than themselves. And the fact that they don’t see such a person in you is only your fault and the meager range of your interests.

8. Because you don't love yourself

If you consider yourself worthless, then why would anyone perceive you differently? If we have to choose between extremes, then girls are more sympathetic to slightly narcissistic natures (the key word is “slightly”). With them, although we play secondary roles, we are always at the epicenter of attention and events. The main thing is that the gentleman’s conceit should be based not only on the fact that in childhood his mother repeated to him: “Baby, you are the best!”, but on something a little more significant and tangible.

9. Because you are sure that everyone owes you

The state - smooth roads and polite doctors, friends - to meet you at the airport at three in the morning, girls - to hand over your phone numbers, as soon as you look at them for more than three seconds. Such types, firstly, usually turn out to be complete bores and egoists who only talk about their needs, which are mostly unsatisfied. And secondly, they often don’t know how and don’t have what to give to those around them. And relationships are, whatever one may say, a doubles sport.

It's not uncommon to find guys who aren't popular with girls. At all. For example, such a young man begins to like a girl, he makes attempts to get to know her and attract attention. However, nothing comes of it. The lady has no sympathy for him, and some particularly shameless ones say so directly. Moreover, such guys have practically no friends and experience difficulties in communicating not only with the opposite sex, but also in ordinary “everyday” life.

Many of them begin to wonder, “Why doesn’t the girl who likes me like me?”, “Why is it difficult for me to communicate and defend my position with strangers?” Now I will talk about why this happens and what are the main reasons why girls don’t like a guy; What do you need to change in yourself to correct this situation?

Why don't girls like a guy?

#1 Inferiority complex

If a person suffers from low self-esteem, he is guaranteed to have problems with girls. After all, such a guy initially places himself a step or two below the people around him. This is immediately felt in communication: tightness, anxiety, suspicion, fear... The topics of conversation are appropriate: about your problems, about what you don’t like. In general, mostly negative. All these components instantly repel the interlocutor. Moreover, with such a bouquet of sensations it is almost impossible to force yourself to take the initiative and.

Right now I will give you a couple of exercises with which you can boost your self-esteem a little.

1). Take a pen and a blank sheet of paper. Think carefully, strain your memory and write down 20 successful situations from your life. The kind when you felt “on top”: successful, joyful and satisfied. For example, it could be related to studying when you did well in an exam. Or with sporting achievements. Anything. The main thing is that memories of the situation should evoke a feeling of deep satisfaction. Did you write it down? Fine. Now for the second exercise.

After completing these exercises, save the leaf and regularly remember your positive qualities. As a result, you will become a more confident person.

#2 Untidy appearance

As a consequence of low self-esteem. People who have a shabby appearance do not like themselves. If a guy has greasy, unwashed hair, old clothes that don’t fit, or bad breath, he won’t even have to say anything. Any person will make a conclusion about him even at a distance of several meters. Few people would even want to maintain friendly relations with such a person, let alone love ones.

To solve this issue, you need to start taking care of yourself. This means setting aside a little time every day so that in another month you can completely get yourself in order. Take a shower daily and brush your teeth twice a day. Go to the dentist to get them straightened out. Regarding clothes. Update your wardrobe. When you go shopping, take any friend with you so that she can help you choose clothes through the eyes of a girl. At the very least, this will allow you to get rid of the main problem - buying clothes that are the wrong size. In addition, you can purchase eau de toilette with a pleasant, unobtrusive scent. It is not necessary to buy everything expensive, the main thing is that everything looks neat and tasteful. You can look for the things you need at sales. Go to the hairdresser regularly and take care of your skin.

#3 Bad figure

If you are dissatisfied with the appearance of your body, there is a high probability that girls will not appreciate it. There are objective indicators that you urgently need to put yourself in order: a large belly (the main problem for men), excess weight or, conversely, excessive thinness.

A good figure is not only a bonus when communicating with girls, but also health. The best advice is to exercise. Choose what you like best. Swimming is very beneficial. Others, on the contrary, will go to boxing. I recommend not a standard gym, but endurance training, where you move and sweat a lot.

#4 Lack of spiritual component

Do not take this point from the point of view of generally accepted morality. This implies what you are. Do you have principles in life, certain views? How ready are you to stick to them? For example, you like girls who have common views on life, a sense of humor, and so on. You realize this and try to meet and communicate with just such ladies. At the same time, you will not allow other girls to push you around, to sacrifice your principles for their sake.

There are also more general concepts. For example, to live in such a way as not to harm anyone, to be benevolent. Understand that by helping a person today, after some time you can find yourself in his place. And he will do the same for you. But at the same time be able to defend your territory if something happens.

Girls have a great sense of strong-willed people, and they really like such guys.

If you realize that some item from the list is close to you, be sure to work on it. Changing yourself requires some effort. But they will pay for themselves many times over. And then you won’t have the question “Why doesn’t the girl like me?” On the contrary, she will definitely like you. Good luck!

Nina Rubshtein, psychologist, coach, creator of the Nina Rubshtein Gestalt Center

Women don't like talkativeness in men. A talkative man is good as a girlfriend, not as a reliable life partner. The best female friend is gay. You can discuss everything with him. But if you want it, then what is expected of you, first of all, is action. The boy said it, the boy did it. And it must be the same guy. If a man wastes all his energy on chatter and there is no action, this is a girlfriend.

Action makes a man. I thought for myself, made my own decision, and implemented it myself. This does not mean that a woman does not need to be informed about her actions - she needs to, otherwise she can be scared. But not in the form of “I can’t take a step without you and your word,” but in the form of “I’m thinking of doing this, what do you think?” And do it by making YOUR decision.

If a man doesn’t have his own business that he loves and that brings him income, he’s still a boy. Endless wondering about what to do and how to make money - this is kindergarten. There is nothing worse than male indecision. A woman who is in a relationship with such a man chatters from such indecision as on a roller coaster to physiological nausea.

Women don't like men who don't take care of themselves or take care of themselves. A man who does not take care of his cleanliness and neatness, who does not care what he wears, is a savage or a small child. He may make a compassionate mother want to put him in order, but sexual feelings will not.
A man who is very concerned about his appearance is also not a man, but a child who has problems with self-esteem. Strike a balance, guys. If you don’t know how to maintain a balance here, don’t be lazy, hire a stylist and discuss with him what is in moderation and in what context, and what is excessive.

Untidyness is determined primarily by smell. If a woman likes the smell of a man’s body, that’s wonderful, you couldn’t wish for anything better, but any smell is only good when it’s fresh. If your woman doesn't like your smell, even if it's fresh, she's not your woman. And there’s nothing you can do about it, it’s physiology.

If a woman criticizes your body, she is also not your woman. Because the main critic of your body is you yourself, and not just a talkative critic, but a doer. If you don't like it, fix it. But if you are satisfied with your body, but the woman is not, this is not your woman.
It is clear that not everything can be corrected and not everything is necessary, but a belly, a thick chest and butt, and skinny arms are not sexy. The maximum that you can awaken in such a state of goodness is grandmother’s love.

No normal heterosexual woman can stand it when other women are praised in front of her. She is the only one, period.
If you admire someone else, then, depending on the strength of your relationship, this will be at least silently marked as suspicious, and at most as an outright admission of cheating. Because everyone is well aware of your biological inclination towards polygamy. Don't turn away. At the same time, when a woman praises other men, there is often nothing sexual in this and cannot be. And if a man throws a tantrum about this, he’s a boy with low self-esteem. Pay attention to the difference: what is normal for a woman in this case is unacceptable for a man.

If you remember important dates, like when you started dating, that's very cool. Even if you don’t remember the exact date, at least remember the time of year and don’t forget to clarify “it seems like we have an anniversary soon?” - this is how you find out the date. And if you celebrate this day with a gift or a festive event, “plus a thousand” will be added to your karma. And if you miss by a few days or weeks, it doesn’t matter. Better late than never.

Most women love flowers for any reason or no reason. The smell and sight of flowers is erotic for a woman. And it doesn't matter what you think about this. If she hinted at flowers, then the worst thing a man can do is say that he considers it a useless gift. “Minus a thousand” is your karma.

If a woman asked for something and you forgot, she ticks the box. If something has been asked twice, a very loving woman will endure it to the limit. Three times is a reason for a scandal. This does not mean that you should jump up at all women’s desires and turn into a fetch-bringer. But voice your decision right away - whether you will do it or not, and if not you, then who should do it. Making a decision right away is what is important.

Don't do women any favors. If you did something, you did it because you decided so. That's all. Or don't do it at all if you feel sorry and want something in return. You can always find someone who will do it.

There is no need to promise something that you do not want to do or doubt about it. It is better if you first refuse and then agree (of your own free will) than if you first agree and then sabotage.

If a woman is emotional, the worst way to change this situation is to tell her how wrong she is in her emotions. Just ask her what she wants. Calmly and with gentle curiosity. At least she will calm down and start thinking about what she wants. You don't necessarily have to and can do what she wants, for example, you don't have to change parents, jobs and friends because she wants it. Ask her to want something for herself, not for you. And stay with your decision.

There is no worse situation if a woman deifies you and looks into your mouth, waiting for every word like manna from heaven. One of two things: either she is a complete fool, or this is a way to manipulate you in the future, tricking you into peacock feathers and the need to prove that you are cool. So there is no need to achieve this. If a man achieves this, he needs a mommy who will listen with delight to “Mom!” Look how I can!”

A man who criticizes women’s views on life, tastes, interests and passions is a bee. It's a no-brainer that all he wants is attention to his greatness. And this means that, again, he has a problem with self-esteem.
Even if in your opinion she is wrong, do not prevent the woman from making mistakes. When a woman speaks, she simply speaks because she wants to speak. And if she won’t talk to you because you barked at her tastes and views, she will find someone else, more delicate. And it may not be gay.

And if you still have trouble with your self-esteem, find something you love and eventually assert yourself. The best support for a man at all times is business. A man without work is like a dog without a tail.

 

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